Do think about your legacy A great many female writers have been ‘reclaimed’ in the past few years, but God forbid that ever happens to me. Reclamation is like having your corpse exhumed by an academic for forensic purposes. To avoid this, I plan to keep publishing in perpetuity. I’ve already given the Linenhall Library a novel to be released after my death on January 1st, 2070 – save the date!
Don’t fall prey to those sombre enemies of art that can distract you at every turn These days, it’s not the pram in the hall that will prevent you, but the phone in the pocket, the Google on the PC, the beeping text or Twitter. To paraphrase the Timothy Leary sixties anthem, ‘Turn off, tune out, log out’. Don’t waste your time tweeting because it’s not like a literary letter and no one’s going to publish your Collected Tweets Vols I and II. Twitter is more ephemeral than a mayfly’s breath. Instead, live the literary dream and exude writing: breathe it, bleed it, breed it, even eat it. For instance, if you come to my house tonight, I’ll be serving Flan O’Brien for starters, followed by Irish Stew-art Parker, topped off with Donna Tartt and custard.
Do enjoy being unique Nowadays, it seems there are more luvvies in literature than there are in the theatre. It’s fashionable for writers to talk about a writing community but we’re individuals forging our own careers. We’re writers, not community workers. Literature is not a self-help group and the sine qua non of writing is our ability to be different.
Don’t lose your integrity Avoid inundating other writers with your monthly e-bulletin or gushing over others’ work in the hope they’ll gush over yours. There is nothing more cringe-making than writers who have about fifty endorsements from peer writers in their books when three would suffice. Sometimes an endorsement is longer than a job reference and the acknowledgements page is longer than an Oscar-winning speech! Always remember that less is more.
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I need to book a restaurant for Christmas dinner with friends. Am I too late?
Do immortalise yourself Liven up your book launches with a bit of bad behaviour. My favourite playwright Joe Orton once left his opening night early to go and have sex in a public toilet. Playwrights should also follow the time-honoured tradition of getting drunk, since theatre originated from Dionysian festivals. Flann O’Brien once said, ‘The main thing to remember is the unimportance of art. It is very much a minority activity,’ but unfortunately, that’s no longer true as writing is now a majority activity, so you have to dare to be outrageous in a crowded market. As a writer, my sole responsibility is to be irresponsible. Any old writer can lead a lively enough life to warrant a biography, but why not aspire to be the type of writer writers write fiction about, like Thomas Mann.
Don’t get dragged into small-time promotion against your better judgment Of course we have to do a reasonable amount of self-advertising, but sometimes our publishers expect us to wander the country selling books out our suitcases like a travelling salesperson. You’d think we were encyclopedia or Bible peddlers from the 1930s. And what’s the point of doing a book-selling event in a library?Libraries are about borrowing books, not buying them! Save your energies for writing.
Do have the utmost confidence in your own talent As a new writer, you may have joined a writing group, but sharing your work is like riding a bike with stabilisers, and at an early stage you have to ride off on your own. I’m with William Faulkner who said, ‘The good artist believes that nobody is good enough to give him advice,’ and this sentiment applies equally to criticism. Throughout your career, you’ll encounter manifold assholes who shoot down your writing, but know that, no matter what, you will rise like a penis from the asses (or phoenix from the ashes).
Don’t accept the writing status quo It’s somewhat of a paradox that writing should be about smashing the hierarchy and yet most writers support the literary hierarchy upheld by publishers, agents and the media. Even if other writers are more lionized than you, keep an unswerving conviction in your own talent. Sometimes, I feel like I’m an indie musician amidst a throng of pop princesses and princes; we’re all in literary fiction, but it’s as if they’re in a different genre entirely. The marketing budget spent on some writers is so big it could fund a united Ireland!
Do use autobiography Contrary to common belief, writing is not the hardest part of being a writer. The really hard part is forcing yourself into experiences you’d otherwise run a mile to avoid. For instance, I endured speed dating just to be able to write a short story about it for the BBC, and it was like descending into the seventh circle of hell! But the suffering was worth it as it enabled me to combine the best of fiction with the best of reality TV. It always astonishes me how real life transmutes so perfectly into fiction and it’s only in the final editing phase that I realise most of what I’ve written is true and frantically rush to change names and details. As Wilde said, ‘Life imitates art,’ so much so I can scarcely distinguish between the two.
Don’t be obsessed by the sound of words over meaning Irish writers tend to be enamoured with rhythm and language, but the most important thing is what you say, not how you say it. George Orwell wasn’t happy with his own rushed writing in 1984, but it was still a seminal work. I never want to be word perfect; I want to be word imperfect as I’m striving to express what’s never been expressed before. As Virginie Despentes succinctly put it, ‘I’m not interested in the beautiful sentence. That’s fine for other people but I don’t give a f**k about it.’
Now, that, to me, is truly beautiful.
Rosemary Jenkinson’s collection of short stories, Marching Season, is published by Arlen House and distributed internationally by Syracuse Press
