St Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and with it will come a flurry of marriage proposals. As happy couples plan their big day, guests will quietly grapple with one awkward question: how much should I put in a wedding card?
What’s generous, what’s a bit stingy – and when does “thoughtful” tip into “too much”? With wedding costs rising and social expectations shifting, what are the unwritten rules, and the real numbers, around gifting?
Cash is definitely king these days when it comes to gifting at an Irish wedding. Some 96 per cent of guests here are putting money in an envelope, according to the fourth annual survey by The Aisle by Sara Kennedy, an Instagram account with 70,000 followers aimed at couples planning their big day.
How much cash to put in a card is a topic that sparks debate every year, says founder Kennedy. Her most recent poll provides a real-time insight into what wedding guests in Ireland think about money.
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“With the cost of living still high, and with accommodation, outfits and childcare to consider, guests are weighing up how generous they can realistically be,” says Kennedy.
The 4,000 responses to her 2025 poll gave a clear insight into what wedding guests are putting in cards, how they decide how much is enough and whether having to travel abroad impacts their gifting budget.
Almost eight in 10 couples will put between €200 and €250 in a wedding card. About one in five couples, however, are making a money gift of €300 or more, says Kennedy. Solo guests are giving between €100 and €150.
Members of the bridal party, like bridesmaids, groomsmen and the couple’s parents are giving even more – with the amount trending upwards from €300 to €400, says Kennedy.
Sing for your supper?
In the weird world of wedding economics, the wedding venue has a definite impact on how much cash guests put in a wedding card, according to the survey. Some 45 per cent of guests said they actively consider how much the venue costs per head when deciding what to give.
“That means if you’re hosting your wedding in a five-star venue, guests are likely to adjust their cash gift accordingly,” says Kennedy.
Been invited to a wedding at the five-star Adare Manor? Then prepare to show your appreciation. Some guests attending weddings at upmarket venues clearly feel some obligation to contribute towards the cost of their supper.
The average cost of a wedding in Ireland is €36,000, according to estimates by wedding website One Fab Day. This includes €15,400 towards food and drinks for 140 guests priced at €110 per head.
Separate figures for online savings platform Raisin Bank last year found that the average spend on a wedding is between €10,000 and €20,000.
A quarter of Irish people, however, spend between €20,000 and €50,000 on their wedding day. Nearly half of couples were willing to borrow to fund their celebration, said Raisin.
With 20,348 marriages in 2024, and estimating 100 guests per wedding, that’s more than 2,034,800 meals and drinks served by wedding venues – the “big day” is clearly big business for providers.
Based on 100 people attending, each gifting €200, couples might expect to claw back €20,000 from guests in gifts, somewhat alleviating wedding costs.
Come fly with me?
An invitation to a wedding overseas can leave guests spending hundreds of euro extra on flights and things such as airport parking and car hire. But apparently a destination wedding doesn’t affect how much guests travelling from Ireland will give.
Sixty three per cent of respondents to the survey by The Aisle said they would give the same amount of money as if they were at home.
This figure has stayed consistent over four consecutive years of the survey, despite cost of living increases, says Kennedy.
“This says a lot about the Irish mentality when it comes to wedding gifting. They may be flying to Spain, but they will still give the same as if they were in Meath,” she says.
The cost of food and drink for a wedding will certainly be cheaper in popular destinations such as Spain, Italy and France. Ireland was the second most expensive country in both the euro zone and EU27 for alcohol, with prices here just under double the EU27 average in 2024.
Food prices in Ireland were 12 per cent above the EU27 average that year, making them the second most expensive in the euro zone, and third most expensive in the EU27.
Weighing the cost
How much does it cost to attend a wedding? Three-quarters of those responding to The Aisle survey, which has run since 2022, said it’s never been more expensive to accept a wedding invitation in Ireland.
Taking into account things such as travel, accommodation, clothing, child-minding and the gift itself, 46 per cent of couples are spending up to €600 to help celebrate friends’ nuptials.
Friday was the most popular day for weddings in 2024, so may have to factor in a day off work too.
More than a third of couples (35 per cent) are spending between €700 and €900 on someone else’s big day. Just over one in 10 will spend €1,000 to attend a wedding.
Nearly 40 per cent of respondents to the same survey in 2024 said they had turned down a wedding invitation due to the cost of attending.
Alternative gifts
Wedding guests have clearly read the room when it comes to the costs facing couples hosting a wedding. Just 4 per cent of wedding guests give a gift that isn’t money.
Alternative gifts mentioned by respondents include Irish crafts and woollen blankets, luxury alcohol or cases of wine. The old reliables of silverware, family crests and engraved glassware are mentioned too.
Hotel vouchers, however, top the list of cash alternatives. If you give one, make sure it complies with the law and has a minimum expiry date of five years. If you receive this information in a separate email, be sure to include it with your gift.
If your friends who are marrying have a favourite hotel, know that you and others can get vouchers for them that they can then combine. For example, if a stay costs €400, and they have two €200 vouchers, they can combine them to pay.
Speaking as a 2026 bride on her Instagram account last month, author and 2FM presenter Rozanna Purcell said that wedding guests “should not have to get you gifts”.
“The gift of going to your wedding is enough,” Purcell told her 600,000-plus followers.
“The cost of a hotel, especially if it’s a bougie hotel, maybe childminders, dogminders, getting a new outfit, renting an outfit, taking time off work – that’s loads of money,” she continued. “I think weddings have lost the plot.”
Referring to a trend of some guests putting up to €300 in a card, she said: “The couple getting married is deciding to spend, and everything to do with a wedding is expensive, but the people you’ve invited to come and celebrate your day of love – you’re expecting a lot.”
“Weddings have lost the run of themselves. Bring back the old [gift] registry where you could pick a gift from €10.”
The average age of a groom in an opposite-sex couple in Ireland is now 37.7 and 35.9 for a bride, according to CSO figures. This coincides with the median first-time buyer age of 36. That clearly makes it an expensive time for them.
But ultimately, the only amount a couple in Ireland actually has to spend to tie the knot is €200 on their notification fees. After that, any spend is a matter of choice.
You can contact us at OnTheMoney@irishtimes.com with personal finance questions you would like to see us address. If you missed last week’s newsletter, you can read it here.
