Still a pot or two left in the rancid old man of snooker

TV View: When 68-year-old Gerald Rowley began his 54th consecutive season in football, playing at full-back for Ingsfield Lane in the Sheffield Over-35s League, he won a place in the Guinness Book of Records as the world's "oldest regular footballer". Gerald, you'd have to conclude, had a good engine, and while he was young at heart he definitely qualified for the tag "sporting veteran".

We are, though, always puzzled by the description of the likes of Steve Davis (48) and John Parrott (41) as veterans, when it's snooker they're playing. True, they've been around a while, but as Davis said last week, when asked when he was going to pack it in, "It's not the type of game you have to retire from."

Fred Davis, after all, was still playing when he was 78, and Tony James won the English Amateur Billiards Championship when he was 70. Far be it for us to suggest that snooker (or billiards) is not physically demanding, but, well, it's not, is it? The late Big Bill Werbeniuk played it, after all. Enough said.

But in the build-up to Davis and Parrott's first-round matches at the World Championships over the weekend, if we'd a pound for every time they were described as veterans we'd be able to pay off Wayne Rooney's gambling debts. You'd swear the pair of them were on the Helga when it sailed up the Liffey in 1916.

Inevitably, all this talk is bound to have a debilitating psychological effect. Davis recently described himself as "a rancid old man", after losing a match, while Parrott, when he was beaten yesterday by Graeme Dott, told us, "These days I can't sustain my concentration for long periods," before hauling his 41-year-old legs into the BBC commentary box, where he'll be on duty for the rest of the tournament.

But this ageing business was a running theme over the weekend. When Laureldean won the 4.25 at Fairyhouse yesterday, the awful realisation dawned on Ted Walsh: he's not as young as he feels. "I won a bumper on his grandmother below in Tramore many years ago," he said, wondering where the years had gone.

We don't know if Laureldean's granny was a Cailin Alainn, but a horse by that name had Ted and Robert Hall swooning earlier in the day, after she won the 2.45, the race taking in or around the same length of time it took Robert to give it its name: the Irish Stallions Farms EBF Fund Mares Novice Hurdle Final.

"A lovely looking mare, Ted, a great, nice, honest head on her," said Robert.

"Yeah," said Ted, "something with a nice head is always nice to see, although some of them with ugly heads are good horses as well, but handsome is as handsome does, she has a particularly nice head on her. I'm talking about the mare, not all the guys that are standing with her - their auld heads aren't too bad either, but you wouldn't exactly be running to give any of them a hug."

All of which got us thinking. The Miss World contest has been struggling a bit in recent years, and the organisers could do worse than to pep it up by picking Robert and Ted as their judges. "Miss Fiji has a great, nice, honest head on her, hasn't she, Ted?"

"She does, Robert, although 'tis a long time since I've seen as ugly a head as the one on Miss Shetland Islands."

Pat Dolan could be another option for the Miss World people. When Daire O'Brien had Pat on The Hub last week, he congratulated him on his presenting work on the Setanta Cup, noting that he was "a mixture of Des Lynam, Johnny Giles, with just a touch of Donncha Ó Dulaing in there".

"Eh, thanks," said Pat.

Eamon Dunphy might be a riskier choice. Maybe a little too blunt: eg, Shaun Wright Phillips? "A brainless winger." Jose Mourinho? "A shallow little man, graceless."

Dunphy, then, was warm in his congratulations to Chelsea on RTÉ 2 after they all but tied up the Premiership on Saturday, conceding that although Manchester United had risen to the occasion to take a point off Sunderland at Old Trafford the night before, with "the clown" starring (aka, Cristiano Ronaldo), the contest looked all over.

"Chelsea are lowering the bar," said Dunphy.

Fast-forward to yesterday morning. "Chelsea are raising the bar," said the Sunday People's Paul McCarthy on Jimmy Hill's Sunday Supplement.

Either way, Jose won't mind, he's happy out. As are most Cork hurling supporters since winning two-in-a-row last year. One of them, John Creedon, turned up on Tubridy on Saturday night.

"How does a Tipperary man become a millionaire," he asked. "He saves up for the All-Ireland."

Should be lively in Munster this year.