It was after a boys under-16s rugby training session. Covered in bits of grass and dirt, with sweat dampening his jersey, he walked over and straight up asked: “What do I have to do to become a champion?”
The answer to that question was more profound than a person at his stage of life could imagine.
I knew that, in reality, he was asking, “Can I live my dreams?” Having dreamt that same dream myself all those years ago I knew that there is no graver sin for any adult charged with guiding our youth than to flippantly crush their dreams, because they are the foundation of all our achievements and – after all – sometimes our dreams do come true.
He was an athletic and muscular outside back. Energetic in his actions and positive in his talk, which made him a leader in his group. Confident in contact, he enjoyed the physicality of our game and he was obviously a quality player in his age group.
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What our young man did not appreciate was that he had just been in the place where champions are made. The highest of standards on the training ground creates champions. When we see great players perform, what we are really watching is the quality of their training habits. Under the pressure of a match, the quality of their training habits will determine their performance.
As Joe Hyams wrote in Zen in the Martial Arts: “[Practice] is a miniature cosmos where we make contact with ourselves, our fears, anxieties, reactions and habits. It is an arena of confined conflict where we confront an opponent who is not an opponent but rather a partner, engaged in helping us understand ourselves more fully . . .”
So while our young mate was on the path to possibly becoming a champion rugby player he had not yet learned that being a champion has a far wider scope than he was currently imagining.
The dedication, bravery, courage, sacrifice, patience, perseverance and fortitude displayed by my mother in raising four Alpha sons under one roof is the stuff that real-life champions are made of. I could not be sure that this young man would ever live his dream and play for his country, but I was sure that in chasing that dream he may learn what it takes to become a champion in life.
This is because the journey of striving for sporting success is far more important than the destination of lifting a trophy. Which is the very essence of why sport is played in our youth. The lessons we learn in our struggle to achieve our sporting goals unwittingly provide us with the tools to achieve the truly important missions across our lives.
Hopefully, all of that would unfold in this player’s future.
However, at this moment he thought there was what is so annoyingly termed a “hack” to success. Some secret shortcut that we old blokes hide from our players. When in reality there is a long, almost spiritual pilgrimage that must be undertaken to achieve success. Like a personal Camino, filled with endurance, determination, dead ends, heartbreak and joys. But that was too much information for this young fella. He wanted techniques and tactics, not some mystical notion for the getting of wisdom.
So I started at Champion 101. I explained that in my experience champions don’t just do what is needed, they push themselves into areas that are uncomfortable. If you are going to make it you must be doing more than what your coach is asking of you.
Champions have the internal discipline to go that extra mile.
They do what needs to be done when it needs to be done, even though you don’t want to do it. They acquire the self discipline that is not only essential to becoming a champion at rugby but is also part of every facet of a successful life.
The cliche that states, “Winning is not easy. If it was easy everyone would do it,” is factual. Winning and being a champion is hard. But one of life’s greatest gifts is that we get to choose our “hard”.
Working to gain the discipline to follow your dreams is hard. Being ill-disciplined and abandoning your dreams is also hard. So choose your hard.
For one so young, he then asked a great question.
“What have you learned about those who make it and those that don’t?”
Over the years the answer to that question has become abundantly clear.
Those who make it develop powerful mental strength and grit, while those who don’t fail. Many physically gifted athletes fall away, while those with lesser physical qualities, who possess strong mental strength succeed.
The mentally weak never take ownership of their actions. It is always someone else’s fault, so they detest feedback, while champions demand it. Whatever it takes to win they will endure. Even demanding the uncomfortable experience of reviewing their errors in their match day performances so they can learn from their mistakes and improve. They know the cavalry is not coming to the rescue. Like all of us, they have to save themselves.
Then I told him something that may have been tough for one so young to hear, but my brief analysis of the young man was that he could bear this uncomfortable truth. If he truly wanted to fulfil his dreams then he was going to have to work harder than he ever could imagine to make them come true.
The path he had chosen to follow was not for the weak-spirited. It can also be a lonely journey. Not everyone will understand your passion. But then, the rewards are superb.
He paused for a moment. Seemingly weighing up the pain of dedication that was required against the possible joys. He thanked me as we shook hands. Then with a half cheeky grin on his face, he turned and jogged away, in pursuit of his future self, which he hoped would turn out to be the life of a champion.
