Ronaldo's doing okay, but wait till he's fit

TV Review: Game 64. Count 'em. Some of us are now trying to open the fridge with the remote control. And, like a World Cup final without Brazil, tea without milk is just not the same. Might need new batteries.

Not like Bobby Robson. He's been like a bunny rabbit on Duracells since the opening ceremony. There's no stopping him. "You can never write the script for football, can you?" he asked us yesterday. "It never surprises you, does it, and it never sometimes demoralises you." Yes. No. What?

"Look who's made it to the final again," says Gary Lineker as he kicks off the Beeb's Big Day. "The Germans." He, Alan Hansen and Ian Wright chat amongst themselves. Then Gary notices another guest sitting in the corner. Martin O'Neill. Of all people. "Let's bring Martin in," says Gary. "Tell me Martin? Leeds?" "I'll tell you what I like about you Gary," smiles Marto, "very little".

"That's out of order, Gary," says Wrightie, before turning to Marto. "What about Rio? Will you sell him straight away or will you keep him?" "That's disgraceful, have a bit of respect for our former panellist, David O'Leary," Hansen interrupts, before turning to Marto. "Is Bowyer going to Liverpool?"

Poor Marto. Mind you, it could have been worse. If the Beeb had assembled all their panellists for the final he could have been sitting between Mick McCarthy and Davo Leary. With Guus Hiddink the special guest for the day. And Marching On Together playing in the background.

Anyway. Brazil v Germany. Wrightie's wearing a Japanese dressing gown in honour of the occasion. Johnny Giles isn't, although it's a lovely image. "Are you excited about the match?," asks Billo Herlihy. "Ah yeah," says Gilesie, "I am. Yeah." C'mon Gilesie, calm down, chill.

Team news time. Brazil have their Three Rs back together. Yoo hoo: Make that five - a big hello to Roque Junior and Roberto Carlos. Germany, though, aren't short of Rs either: Rudi, Ramelow and Resilience, although only onemakes the starting line-up.

"The big news is that Jeremies is in for the suspendered Ballack," reveals Billo. Interesting. Who'd have thought it of the muscular, manly midfielder from Leverkusen, eh?

"Jen Jeremies," Liamo ponders. Verdict? "An out and out hod-carrier." "Beautiful football will overcome," he says, but doesn't reveal who he's up for.

Back on the BBC who should Gary Lineker bump in to in the car-park but Jurgen Klinsmann.

"The Germans in the final again," Gary says, a bit accusingly. "Sorry about that," says Jurgen, and he sounds like he means it too.

Wrightie tips Germany "because I want Brazil to win", but says he's worried about Ronaldo (a) because "he's got a golf divot on 'is 'ead" and (b) "I've a feeling he's not one million per cent yet".

Gary hands over to Motty, telling him "Brazil have gone 259 minutes in World Cup finals without scoring and Oliver Kahn has gone 405 minutes without conceding". Motty's deflated. There's only room for one Statto.

Kick-off. All-out attack. Adventure. Style. Panache. Flair. Germans, eh? Indeed, after 15 minutes Motty Motson comes awful close to announcing that "the team in white are Germany". But he resists. Ronaldinho puts Ronaldo through.

Goooooaaa ..."Well, he is human after all," says Clive Tyldesley, before we get to the 'l'.

"Great move, great spotter's badge there by Bode," says Big Ron. "Pardon?" says Bode. Kleberson hits the post. Kahn saves from Ronaldo. Are you getting the feeling that ...?

Half-time. Gilesie is keeping his taxi fare on Brazil, but he's beginning to wonder if he'll be hitching home tonight.

On ITV Bobby seems to think Germany are one up. "Five goodish chances for Brazil, they only have to take two of the five and it's their's," he says.

Tel Venables and Andy Townsend look at each, with eyes that say "did we miss something?"

Second half. Free-kick for Brazil. Not too many options, except Roberto Carlos, Rivaldo, Ronaldo or Ronaldinho.

But are they happy?

Sixty-seventh minute. Kahn, eh? (Hamann dillies). Best goalkeeper in the world? (Ronaldo dallies). No question. (Gives it to Rivaldo). Can't see him being beaten, meself. (Rivaldo shoots). Truly, he is invincible. (Weak effort, an insult to Kahn). Outstanding. (Kahn spills ball). Indestructible. (Ronaldo taps in rebound).

As we were saying, Kahn is dodgy. Germany's weak point.

Fantastic shot on ITV of Rio de Janeiro erupting upon beholding Ronaldo's goal. They'd only stopped hooting when he scored again. Imagine if the lad was fit?

Final whistle. "He may floss his teeth with rope, but boy can he play," says Lineker of Ronaldo.

"The greatest story ever told," says Hansen. "Everything's back as it should be in the world of football," says Des Lynam, signing off. Indeed.

You can sleep soundly tonight. Unless you live in Rio.