Planet football

With little more than an insulting text to Newcastle United skipper Alan Shearer and a slagging off by club coach Terry McDermott making the papers in the last few days it's been a relatively quiet spell for everybody's favourite Welshman, Craig Bellamy, who will see out the season at Celtic

Bellamy does not Bury hatchet

It seems few players at St James' Park will have been sorry to see the striker (or should that be right-sided wide midfielder?) move but there will, apparently, be little disappointment elsewhere either with former Republic of Ireland goalkeeper Dean Kiely amongst those happy to come to terms with the loss of an old comrade.

Kiely and Bellamy, you see, go back a long way as Rob Beasley of the News of the World revealed on Sky television last week. "Kiely, then playing for Bury, once saved a penalty from him and Bellamy never forgot it," recalled the reporter. "In a later match he scored a penalty against him and was shaking his fist in his face afterwards saying, "that's for Bury, that's for Bury". And before another match a few years later, Bellamy got Kiely's mobile number, rang him telling him how many goals he was going to score against him, what a poor goalkeeper he was and what he was going to do to him".

Wattereus looks a little porous

Nicky Colgan was in action for his new club Dundee United this week while Rangers new boy Ronald Waterreus was making his debut for the Glasgow club having been signed to take over from injured regular goalkeeper Stefan Klos.

The Irish and Dutch internationals had been in opposing teams once before this season, the Daily Telegraph noted on Friday, with Colgan playing for Barnsley and Waterreus making one of just two first team appearances during his time at Manchester City. The score on both occasions? - 7-1 to the team with the Dutchman in goal. Alan McGregor, previously the Rangers number two goalkeeper, was quick to complain to the media. "I think I was just a cheap option for Rangers behind Stefan Klos," he said. "I'm hurting."

You're hurting, pal? Spare a thought for a certain Irishman.

It pays to be nice (at Chelsea)

They are top of the Premiership, still in contention for four trophies and generating huge sums from business deals off the pitch but the humble players and suits at Chelsea still seem to know their place.

"His (Roman Abramovich's) son recently came into the dressing room and asked me for my shirt," Didier Drogba revealed this week. "Of course, as it was the son of the boss, I gave it a good wipe, folded it and quickly gave it to him. I remember that the boy was sitting next to me in the place of Claude Makelele, who was in the shower," he added. "He (Makelele) then came back wearing just his towel and stood there in front of us. He didn't dare tell Mr Abramovich's son he was in his place."

Tiago, meanwhile, has been expressing his admiration for coach Jose Mourinho who signed him from Benfica in a deal worth a reported €12 million. "He is very clever. He works fantastically well. He is like a friend for us. He is one of us." And then there is Peter Kenyon's assessment of his Russian billionaire boss: "I spend a lot of time each week with him and he is very committed . . . He is probably one of the most understated people I've ever come across. That will be a big shock to most people who think multi-billionaires are very flashy."

The value of Drogba, Tiago and Kenyon's estimated weekly pay packets excluding bonuses - £80,000, £40,000 and £70,000. Sometimes it pays to be nice.

Controversy continues to rage over the way Chelsea's owner came upon his money but there is one club that has decided to take a firm stand on the issue of morality and money.

Only last month Borussia Dortmund of the Bundesliga hit the headlines in Germany when a Turkish arms dealer, Saadettin Saran, paid around €8 million for a stake in the club. This month, though, the financially-strapped outfit have turned down a sponsorship deal from a chain of sex shops. "We have to draw the line somewhere," said a club official.

Taking the biscuit

Dortmund's Ebi Smolarek has told his employers a positive test for cannabis may have been caused by him having eaten too many biscuits containing sunflower seeds. This seems like the best player reaction to a positive test since then Shamrock Rovers goalkeeper Barry Ryan remarked that from the way people had reacted to him being caught with cocaine in his system, "you'd swear I'd committed a crime".

Whistle blower confesses

Those who believe referees like Graham Poll should be tougher when it comes to foul-mouthed tirades like the one unleashed by Wayne Rooney in Tuesday's clash at Highbury will applaud Andy Wain, a match official in an English Sunday League game who decided he himself had crossed the line in a dispute with Peterborough North End goalkeeper Richard McGaffin over a goal. "It was totally unprofessional," said Wain afterwards. "If a player did that I would send him off so I had to go."

Building trust in London

Good to note Arsenal are stepping up security at their new £300 million stadium development to, apparently, ensure builders who support rivals rivals Spurs don't bury a Tottenham jersey under the new pitch. "It's impossible to vet workmen to discover which team they support but we don't want our new home to become a laughing stock," said an Arsenal spokesman. Spurs fans are an impulsive bunch. We fondly recall the tale of one builder meeting another for the first time and noting the upper half of his new colleague was adorned with tattoos celebrating the greatness of the team. "Spurs fan, eh?" asked our friend. "Used to be," replied his dejected workmate.

Getting pizza the action

Concerns about the damage being done to the game by agent siphoning off chunks of transfer fees can hardly apply to Norway if the country's better-publicised deals are anything to go by. This week Bard Erik Olsen deferred retirement when Sprint Jeloy, a second division outfit, promised the 32-year-old all the pizza he could eat if he played up front for them. "For a few years we've tried to tempt him to Tronvik by telling him he could eat as much pizza as he wanted," said club official Kjetil Jensen. "Now we'll have the chance to keep our word."

Quotes of the week

"Tell Vieira to shut his fucking mouth. I'll see him out on the pitch. He is six foot four and having a go at Gary Neville. So I said, 'have a go at me'. If he wants to intimidate our players and thinks that Gary Neville is an easy target, I'm not having it."

- Roy Keane to referee Graham Poll in the tunnel at Highbury.

"Sheffield Wednesday have put the cat amongst the bag,"

"He (Souness) has just gone behind my back in front of my face."

- Craig Bellamy does some straight talking in a round about way.

"Of course, Bergkamp was named after Denis Law, but there are two ns in Bergkamp and only one in Law."

- Sky's commentator during Tuesday's game at Highbury.

"Bergkamp has tried to thread the needle of a haystack with that pass."

- More of same.

"I got tired of being a substitute for Ruud van Nistelrooy. The manager only had eyes for the Dutchman. And Roy Keane didn't like me from the moment I arrived."

- Ah, the injustice of it all. Diego Forlan, now a registered goal machine in Spain, reflects on his unhappy time at Old Trafford.