Reid holds his hands up: Meaty thanks to DJ Treacy for letting us know about Peter Reid's display on A Question of Sport last Friday. Reid's team were asked to identify five sportspersons from film clips and the theme that linked them (which turned out to be body parts).

They eventually came up with four of the names (Neil Back, Nova Peris-Kneebone, Tony Hand and Karen Legg) but struggled with the footballer, whose name and number were briefly visible, not to mention his Leeds United shirt, when he was shown scoring a free kick with his left foot.

Frankie Dettori whispered in Reid's ear. "Yeah, that's the boy," said the man who managed Leeds United from March to November of last year. "It's the left-footer," he declared, patting Dettori on the back, "It's Legg." (Andy Legg plays for, eh, Peterborough.) Wrong. Try again. "I'm going to go for Shoulder," Reid sighed, his final offer.

"Who did you last manage?" asked Sam Allardyce, who by now had dissolved into tears. Reid didn't seem to remember.

"Leeds," Allardyce reminded him, "it's Ian Harte." Reid buried his face in his hands, emerging only to admit: "You can't blame them for giving me the sack, can you?" Well. . .

Chant of the week

"There's only one Sally Gunnell."

- Manchester City supporters greeting Diego Forlan on Saturday as he left the United bench to warm up.

Proper gents

Did you ever wonder what footballers get up to when they're whiling away the hours in team hotels? In the latest edition of FHM magazine Chelsea's Frank Lampard gave us a few clues. (1) "Me and Rio Ferdinand trashed John Moncur's room and then somehow he got into ours and did a s**t in my book." (2) "Jamie Carragher roomed with me for the England under-21s and he would just eat an apple then throw it in the corner. And he'd wake up in the morning, clear his throat and spit a big greenie onto the wall." And there were you thinking they got up to no good.

Quotes of the week

"He's a good player, but he's not a superstar. Still, I like him, though it's a pity he's English. But I can't take him too seriously. He looks like a woman. But, of course, that doesn't mean I'm attracted to him."

- Diego Maradona's verdict on David Beckham.

"Is my faith in Adrian Mutu still the same? Of course. He is still a positive gypsy man."

- Claudio Ranieri. Of course.

"He is capable of making the ball sleep on his ear while he smiles and has a chat with the physio."

- Tribute to Ronaldinho in Spanish newspaper AS - or did the Guardian lose something in the translation?

"I always thought I was a good manager but even I didn't think I was good enough to turn Gary into a Scottish international."

- Wigan manager Paul Jewell after Gary "who?" Teale was called up by Berti Vogts.

Headline cases to the end

Last September the Sun got into a bit of bother when it plastered the front page of its first edition with the headline "Bonkers Bruno locked up", its sensitive account of Frank Bruno's trip to a psychiatric hospital. Cue lit-up-switchboard, prompting a subtle alteration to the second-edition headline: "Sad Bruno in mental health home."

Have they learnt from their mistake? Well, last week we read the comments of Jacques Crevoisier, a psychologist and Gerard Houllier's former assistant at Liverpool, about the personality tests he carried out on Nicolas Anelka when he, Anelka, was 15. The teenager obtained the unprecedented and "exceptional mark of nine out of nine for self-confidence", prompting Crevoisier to conclude: "Anelka has always been different." The Sun's headline? "Anelka's a headcase."

Figures of fun

As spotted on Football 365. The scene: a Sky Sports studio.

Rob McCaffrey: "We've just had the stats through from Opta about Thierry Henry's first 100 goals. Goals scored with right foot: 80. Goals scored with left foot: 18. Goals scored with head? Do the maths." Steve Claridge and Tony Cottee: "Errr. . . one?"

More quotes of the week

"The current situation I liken to the Starship Enterprise - we have the force shield up, the Klingons are shooting at us and every time they land a punch they are sapping our power."

- Southampton chairman Rupert Lowe, seemingly preparing for the arrival of Glenn Hoddle at St Mary's.

"Why would I think that we will lose? You don't think that in one hour you are going to be dead, do you? You don't think you are going to go over the road and be hit by a bus. But then you wouldn't see the match anyway."

- Claudio Ranieri previewing yesterday's cup game against Arsenal, as only Claudio Ranieri can.

"I don't think Blackburn were unlucky, you make your own luck. They missed chances and luck is about taking your chances, but. . . at half-time I said to the boys: 'We've been lucky here'."

- Bobby Robson reviewing Newcastle's game against Blackburn, as only Bobby Robson can.

"He must be 35 now but he's still going strong."

- Jermain Defoe on old age and Paolo di Canio.

Remembering the Alamo

There is, we gather, a bit of a history between the United States and Mexico, a history that often rears its ugly head when the countries meet in football. When their under-23s last met in Guadalajara the Americans were showered with "beer bottles, batteries and racial epithets", prompting the US Soccer Federation to send an official letter of complaint to the Mexican association.

Good to see last week's Olympic qualifying meeting passing off peacefully, then. Well, relatively. Mexico won 4-0, thus ending the US's hopes of qualifying for Athens, with 60,000 Mexicans celebrating by chanting, "Osama, Osama, Osama."

Kinnear lost in Forest

Granted, things hadn't been going well for Paul Hart at Nottingham Forest but we were still surprised to learn that the club had chosen to replace him with a comic actor who played the mad scientist in the Beatles' film Help, not least because he died 16 years ago, suffering a heart attack after falling off a horse while filming a scene in Return of the Musketeers. Or did the Daily Mail mean Forest had appointed Joe, rather than Roy, Kinnear?

Breath of fresh air for Brazil

The players of Brazil could do with unseasonable warmth for next Wednesday's friendly in Dublin after learning they will wear their new kit for the first time - the lightest kit Nike have ever produced.

The world champions' previous shirt weighed 188 grams, the new version is 33 grams lighter with "small openings in the areas of greater heat concentration".

They will also wear the kit during the 2004 Copa America in Peru in July, when relief from "greater heat concentration" will, presumably, be more of a necessity than in Dublin on a mid-February night.