Patrick Kielty,(Comedian, TV personality), Club: Mourne GC, Co Down, Handicap: Lots

1 What’s your favourite golf tournament (amateur or professional) and why?

It has to be the Masters. There’s just something about this tournament. If you can’t play the game well you might as well be able to watch it well. Golf from America; it means your Sunday night is taken care of. You can go out and have a skinful of drink on a Saturday night and you know the final round of the Masters is waiting for you as you get over that nice dirty hangover with a couple of bags of Tayto cheese and onion crisps accompanied by a couple of bottle of Magners (Bulmers), just to take the edge of it.

2 Best TV golf memory?

I think the lads jumping into the water at the Belfry after Paul McGinley holed that winning putt at the 2002 Ryder Cup – that has to be up there. If not then I have to say big Darren (Clarke) at The K Club in 2006. That was very, very special. But out of them all my favourite TV golf memory is Tom Watson’s final round at the Open at Turnberry in 2009. Everybody willing him over the line, what he did was sensational.

3 Parkland or links? Why?

Come on, that’s very, very easy. Men make parkland courses, but God makes links courses. End of story.

4 What’s your hidden gem of a golf course and why?

The number two course at Royal County Down. Yes, the Annesley Links because if you can play that course well you can play anywhere.

5 How would you deal with someone you suspected of cheating, would you sign their card?

I probably wouldn’t sign their card because it’s probably gonna be me who’s cheating. If I could find someone to sign my card, well, that’s a whole different story.

6 If you could introduce one rule how would you combat slow play?

I do have an issue with slow play. I would set a time to play each hole and if you go over that time then you get deducted a stroke, that’s the only way.

7 Has equipment technology had a detrimental effect on genuine golfing talent/ability? If so, what changes would you make?

I think it undoubtedly has had an effect because it means eejits like me can go out an actually hit the ball a couple of hundred yards.

8 150-yards from the hole, what’s in your hands?

My balls! Seriously, it has to be an eight-iron.

9 Fashion stakes – Pringle or J Lindeberg?

Have to go old school, got to be Pringle because I’m a retro man. Look, I’m a man who used to own a DeLorean; anything retro, I’m there.

10 More comfortable paying price of a pint or ProV golf ball?

To be honest, if I had a pint for every ProV I’ve lost at Royal County Down, then I’d be a very drunk man.

11 Who is the greatest – Jack Nicklaus or Tiger Woods? Other?

I think Tiger has to be the greatest really, although Nicklaus is something special.

12 If you had one final round of golf who would be in fourball and where?

My last game of golf would have to be at Royal County Down, that goes without saying, it’s only down the road for me. In my fourball would be myself and Freddie Couples – he’s just the most naturally gifted, laid-back individual who plays golf. I’d have Michelle Wie for a wee bit of “Wow, how you getting on”, and me oul mate Matthew Davey from the Maghera Inn.