Hook shots find easy targets

Keith Duggan/TV View: Be under no illusions. This was not the Big One. It was not even close. There was a rugby game all right and it involved Ireland and over the 80 minutes the boys in green probably scored more tries than they managed from 1987 to 1991. But Brent Pope for one had his doubts about what we were watching.

"I don't think we can read anything into that. It was an unopposed training session. Yes, the boys performed but against who - that's the question."

The Pope of Montrose Village has been known to take his eye off the football from time to time, but still. He really should have taken the time to identify the opposition. Namibia. No great secret about it. The game had been heavily flagged all week, given Ireland's stretched WRC calendar. We have concluded Six Nations campaigns faster than we will advance (or stall) in this Pool A.

Those tuning in for the Sunday morning kick-off must have been a little surprised to discover Ireland versus Namibia looked a lot like a random winter AIL game from the bad old days. Empty seats, torrential rain and appalling handling.

"It's like Willow Park under-nines," fumed George Hook at half-time, guaranteeing himself a sackful of irate letters penned by the slandered eight-year-olds.

Overall, there were few talking points. Denis Hickie continued to score tries at an alarming rate and the decision to switch him to full back late in the game allowed Tony Ward to reminisce about his days at number 15 for

St Mary's at schools level.

In contrast, Brian O'Driscoll was not scoring tries and, somewhat glumly, the studio panel confirmed Drico just is not playing well. Worse was to come when Namibian coach David Waterston appeared on television after the game to confirm they would cite Paul O'Connell for stamping.

"Normally we don't cite because cowboys do not cry," he said enigmatically, spoiling the effect with the huffy caveat, "but this time we will."

In fairness, renowned as cowboys are for their unflinchingly dry eyes, they are not normally accustomed to finding themselves underneath the hoofs of

17 stone of Munster muscle. The RTÉ studio ran repeated shots of O'Connell treading merrily on the stricken Namibian.

"He wasn't looking at his feet," volunteered Michael Lyster helpfully.

"Ah, Fred Astaire never looked at his feet either," dismissed Hook, pleased with the analogy but nonetheless dark in his forecast that O'Connell would receive a ban and miss the Argentina game - which is, by the way, unquestionably the big one.

England versus South Africa was the first taste of what the RWC may, over the following weeks, eventually become. You tend to forget how menacing Springboks teams look. You can trace the sense of entitlement along the assured jaw lines, through the blazing blue eyes and deep tans.

Even a limited South Africa team is box office and the first 50 minutes of the game, when they blatantly defied England, were great fun. Then Jonny Wilkinson began banging over penalties in that meticulous way of his and next thing the game was over.

The BBC, sadly out of the financial running for this RWC, had to make do with trying to give its viewers a sort of behind-the-scenes look at the England camp. This essentially involved filming Martin Johnson boarding and alighting various luxury coaches, scowling all the while.

It also involved sitting down for breakfast with Gareth Chilcott.

Gareth is a burly survivor from the hedonistic days when a Five Nations post-match bash regularly reached Caligulan levels of debauchery, so it was infinitely disappointing - a comment on just how diluted our world has become - to see the West Country man dining on a meal of sliced watermelon. What, no glasses of aftershave? No romping in the baked bean tray?

"Arr, it be closer than I thought," seemed to be the gist of Gareth's summary of the game.

His main worry though was that while wandering through the pleasant corridors of the England team hotel, he had failed to see players looking happy.

"There were relaxed in a bodily way if that is the word but there was no 'good morning' or anything like that."

He should head to RTÉ if he wants to find lads relaxed in a bodily way.

After talking up Ireland v Namibia for two-and-a-half hours, the trio were slumped in their seats, glad the finishing post was in sight.

"All the positives were positive," concluded the Hook somewhat tiredly.

There was no friction, no angst, little fuming. This was just a gentle stroll in the park. They are saving the big stuff for farther down the line.