AGAINST THE ODDS:Vinny may be about to embark on a new route as his drinking buddies in Foley's implore him
to stand in the next General Election, writes RODDY L'ESTRANGE

THERE WERE about 20 heads in all, most of whom Vinny Fitzpatrick instantly recognised as his friends from Foley’s and workmates from the bus garage. The three or four he wasn’t familiar with had come along with Spud Murphy, his chirpy lodger in Causeway Avenue. They were all female and despite the heavy layering, appeared young and vivacious.

With Angie on board too, together with Fran’s fine fillies from the launderette, at least there could be no accusations of sexism thought Vinny as he stamped his feet in the car park outside Foley’s.

What had brought this motley crew out on a chilly St Brigid’s night armed with leaflets and posters was the by-product of an unprecedented discourse in Foley’s on Sunday night which had ended with Vincent Finbarr Fitzpatrick, aged 53, agreeing to go forward for election to the 31st Dáil as an Independent candidate.

Now Vinny’s only intention that night had been to stand his round; standing for election was the farthest thing he had on his mind.

He had been there, sipping quietly in the company of Macker, Brennie and Shanghai Jimmy, watching the golf on the telly when a crowd of punters, clearly agitated, had burst into the lounge calling for porter.

Among them was The Reverend, a close associate of Vinny’s through their Boru Betting affiliation, who looked rattled. “Lads, there was chaos at the local Fianna Fáil cumann meeting tonight. I’ve not seen anything like it,” said The Reverend, clearly shaken.

Between gulps of Guinness, The Reverend explained how Belgrove Hall had witnessed unprecedented bickering among the party faithful over the drop in support for the Republican Party and the antics of local politico, Ivor Callely.

One gang of old FF heads had defended Callely’s entitlement to claim €80,000 in expenses from his west Cork home, pointing out how Ivor had worked hard for the people of Clontarf for almost 30 years – some even felt he should be welcomed back in to the party. But Calleley’s opponents had gone for the jugular, berating him for bringing Clontarf into the public eye for all the wrong reasons.

“It all got a tad nasty as spleens were vented. Just as well Ivor wasn’t around; there could have been a lynching,” tut-tutted The Reverend.

It was the cue for a debate on politics as the lads lumped in with their two-penny worth and the pints flowed. Brennie wanted all politicians dropped off the railway bridge in Killester in front of the Belfast express while Macker felt all retiring TDs should be made pick one pension and the rest should be given to charity.

“I’ve no doubt we could run the country better from here than that lot of fat cats. If any one of them knocks on my door, I’ll give them what for,” he ranted.

The Reverend warned of the dangers of apathy but agreed all politicians should be issued with a hard hat for the forthcoming election. “It’s a dangerous world out there,” he said.

Vinny tried to make some sense of it all, and failed. “You know, it’s hard to believe the reputation of Fianna Fáil in Clontarf is probably lower than that of Fianna Fáil nationwide,” he observed quietly.

“I mean, here we are in Clontarf, where Brian Boru flung the Vikings back into the ocean and saved us all from having surnames like Rasmussen, Jensen and Pedersen, and from spreading Lurpak instead of Kerrygold on our toast. This is the cradle of Irish sovereignty, the birthplace of our independence, and we don’t have a local TD in the Dáil, and sod all chance of getting one either.

“It’s a crying shame to think that when the one thousand-year anniversary of the most famous battle on Irish soil comes around in 2014, the place where it all began won’t have a presence in parliament.

“If only Seán Loftus was still with us; he’d make sure Clontarf was heard in Leinster House. Good old ‘Dublin Bay’ cared about this neck of the woods with a passion. I gave him my number one vote for years and never regretted it.”

Following a speech out of keeping with Vinny’s reserved character, The Reverend stroked his patrician nose and shot a glance at Macker, whose eyebrows were raised. “You know what’s needed here,” said The Reverend, eyes twinkling impishly, “is a clarion call for change.”

Macker nodded and said “hear, hear”.

“The people of Clontarf need someone they can trust, someone with a feel for the locality, its people, history and traditions,” continued The Reverend. “Ideally, it should be someone with no political baggage, no stain on his character; only one person I know fits the bill Vinny, and it’s you.”

Vinny almost choked on his pint. “Reverend, get a grip will ye? I don’t have a clue about politics, or the damn economy. I don’t know a blackberry from a raspberry, or an ipod from a pea pod. I’m a 53-year-old dinosaur happy in his own fat skin. Now back off.”

But The Reverend didn’t, and nor did Macker, Brennie or Shanghai Jimmy either. For the next two hours, they cajoled and harangued their long-time friend into having second thoughts. Shanghai joked how Vinny already knew every boreen in Dublin North Central, not just Clontarf, through his work with Dublin Bus.

“Sure we could do up an election bus with slogans like “Get In Gear With Vinny, Driving For Change” or “Vinny Fitz The Bill”. Brennie cracked that Vinny’s expenses would be a lot more modest than the bould Ivor’s which could be worth a vote or two.

The Reverend explained how the constituency was served by three TDs, none of whom lived in Clontarf, which was a plus for Vinny. “Between the Howth Road and Clontarf Road, out as far as St Anne’s, lie a patchwork of streets and houses you know like back of your hand. These are your people Vinny, your people with no voice,” he thundered.

Warming to his task, The Reverend pointed out to Vinny that sitting TD Seán Haughey of Fianna Fáil would lose a chunk of his 9,000 first preference votes, which was another positive for Vinny’s chances.

“Remember Finian McGrath got elected as an Independent last time with 5,000 votes, so why can’t you follow in his footsteps?” he said.

As Vinny stared at the bottom of his pint glass, the persuasion continued. “To be fair Vinny,” intoned Macker. “The face of Irish politics is about to change forever and Clontarf is not immune. The next Dáil will be jammers with new TDs, elected by people desperate for hope, sure even Eamon Dunphy was thinking of having a go.”

Vinny lifted his head and looked towards his friends. “Say I agree to his hare-brained idea. What’s my campaign ticket?”

Shanghai sucked nosily on his false teeth. “Sure that’s easy, Vinny. Everyone knows that, it’s a bus ticket. And like the Dáil, there are plenty of seats on top,” he chuckled.

Bets of the week

1pt each-way Ian Poulter in Qatar Masters (22/1, Paddy Power)

1pt each-way Glencove Marina (Hennessy Gold Cup, 14/1, Skybet)

Vinny’s Bismarck

2pts Lay England to win Six Nations (2/1, Boylesports, liability 4pts)