Dreadful? Shambolic? Nah, it was much worse, says Dolan

TV View: By and large Pat Dolan was content enough at half-time on Setanta. There were just one or two quibbles he had with Ireland's first-half display in Cyprus, eg, "dreadful . . . shambolic defending, a complete abdication of responsibility, disgusting to watch at times, experienced players with a lack of moral courage . . ."

An upbeat assessment, then, one that Ronnie Whelan, sitting beside him, tried to echo, but he couldn't quite find the same levels of outrage.

"To be fair, we were abysmal," he said to Matt Cooper, who then spoke for the nation: "Thank God for Shay Given."

Pat had sheets and sheets and sheets of notes on the desk in front of him but apoplexy resulted in him not quite knowing where to start when asked to assess what he'd seen. Matt promised to show him some examples of Ireland's dodgy defending, to help him along, a promise that almost propelled Pat off his chair with mirth. Just show the whole 45 minutes, he suggested.

"Nightmare on Elm Street defending," he called it, although he wasn't sure if it was Carr, Dunne, Cunningham or O'Shea who was as frightening as Freddie.

"The worst performance I've seen from an Irish team in a long, long time," said Ronnie, but Pat thought it was much worse than that. "There's a disease in this team and it's a lack of leadership . . . right through this team, it's appalling," he said. "In great teams you have guys who take responsibility but we don't have people with the guts to do that."

Pat, you half felt, was tempted to fling his pen across the studio, but he resisted. While he cooled down we went back to Eamon Dunphy on RTÉ for a more tranquil half-time assessment.

"It's the poorest 45 minutes I've seen from an Irish side in years. I can't remember seeing an Irish side so inept individually and tactically. It's amazing we're in front against one of the poorest teams in the world," he said, before pursing his lips.

By now a punditry trend was developing.

Liam Brady? Anything positive to say?

"They look a different class . . ." he insisted. At last! Ireland a class above! ". . . Cyprus, that is."

How about you, Johnny Giles?

"Is this is repetition of Tel Aviv?" Bill O'Herlihy asked him.

"No . . . " said Gilesie. At last! Things are improving! " . . . I think it's worse than that," he added, "we've been really dreadful. Shay Given should get the freedom of the city if we get through this."

And, not for the first time, Dunphy smeared the good name of amateur rearguards the capital over.

"Phoenix Park stuff," he said, "the defence is a shambles."

Gilesie nodded. "John O'Shea could lose us this match the way it's going," he added.

The second half, of course, was much, much better, with most of the Irish players doubling their personal ratings to "2". If possible, though, George Hamilton would have awarded the Irish goalkeeper "14 out of 10".

"Shay Given has to be the first name on the team sheet next summer, if we make it," he said. We knew what Georgie meant but, on the whole, don't goalies tend to be the first names on team-sheets?

Anyway. The man-of-the-match decision was a toughie for Ray Houghton, but after a quarter of a second mulling it over he finally narrowed his shortlist of one down to one. Given? Naturally.

Back in the studio there was divil an Olé Olé from the panel.

"We said by hook or by crook - it was by luck," sighed Brady, just relieved it was all over.

"A shocking performance," said Dunphy, who had already somewhat expressed doubts about Brian Kerr by declaring that the FAI, in not yet giving the manager a new contract, had "done the right thing - and praising the FAI is not usually a thing I like to do".

That was pre-match. By full-time Dunphy had concluded "the coach isn't good enough, in my opinion, and it was definitively shown there tonight".

Back on Setanta Matt asked Pat what problems now faced Katt . . . sorry, Kerr.

"I think there are saboteurs in the shadows," said Pat, "I think the problems transcend the team, I don't believe it's just the 11 people on the park. I think we're in an environment where loyalty and honesty count for nothing. I think the spirit of the boys in green, you'll never beat the Irish, is gone, and I think we've turned into a nasty, visionless . . ."

"Eh . . . who's 'we'?" asked Matt.

"We're all in this together," said Pat, enigmatically.

Ronnie, beside him, wore an expression as confused and befuddled as the Irish performance that night.