TIMES SQUARE: I am not in the least surprised to learn that "educated Irish people" see child abuse as the greatest sin.
That was the finding of a recent survey of 707 Irish people conducted by Father Desmond O'Donnell, an Oblate priest, between March 1999 and March 2000.
One letter-writer noted the day after the report was published how remarkable it was that murder does not seem to rank in the top three gravest sins of these "educated Irish". Otherwise, no one seemed to bat an eyelid, at least where I was looking.
The survey was conducted among people aged between 30 and 35 - young professionals, students, student nurses, trainee gardaí, student teachers, IT students and Army cadets.
Over two-thirds of those surveyed felt that sin was about "hurting others" (though most also felt it was also about "not being true to oneself").
Essentially, these people believe that sin is all about being nasty to people. In other words, it is all about "feelings", and not upsetting others.
You could upset your boyfriend terribly, for example, for declining to move in with him after a serious 24-hour commitment, and for not instantly acceding to his somewhat unusual sexual desires. That would be very, very hurtful to his feelings. Quite clearly, it would be a sin.
After all, though nearly half of those surveyed - clearly prudes - thought sex was about total and final commitment (i.e. two successive nights together), eight per cent believes that sex is "a bit of fun", while 26 per cent see sex as "a sign of close friendship".
The latter may be a little optimistic, but they are in good company: Marilyn Monroe famously saw sex as "a very warm handshake", and she shook quite a few hands in her day.
Of course, what causes a lot of the problems in the sexual arena is people meeting the wrong partners. Every night of the week, in pubs and clubs all over the land, you see one of the eight percenters (the "bit of fun" group) foolishly falling for one of the "close friendship" gang, or worse, innocently lured by one of the sinister "total commitment" crowd.
A lot of the resultant misery could be avoided altogether if people would just wear badges.
According to those surveyed, the worst sins were, in descending order, child abuse, physical abuse within marriage, verbal abuse within marriage, and abortion.
Leaving aside the trivial (or venial, as we used to say) sins of murder, genocide, rape, torture, theft, assault, fraud, bigamy, incest and defamation, it is terrific to see that verbal abuse within marriage is at last given its proper status as one of the Top Three Sins.
For a very long time, shocking, demeaning and thoughtless remarks made by spouses to one another over the course of their marriages were treated as no more than the ordinary give-and-take of long-term relationships.
A man might say something like - "For God's sake woman, how long does it take to get yourself dressed?"- and never think of the abiding mental trauma imposed on the innocent, if tardy, spouse.
She in turn might "chide" him for lack of home-making skills ("even my alcoholic father could put up a shelf without knocking down the entire wall") with a careless disregard for the unfortunate fellow's battered ego and bruised inner self.
Now this heartless cruelty is being recognised for what it is. Ironically, the recognition has finally come from a survey of largely unmarried people - students and the like, who have insights we never could have imagined.
It is a humbling thought for the married among us to realise that in bedsitters and flats around the country there are educated young people, boys and girls, trainee gardaí, Army cadets and student nurses, living together in honourable guilt-free sexual relationships, who are mindful of the terrible sins of verbal abuse we spouses regularly commit.
What sort of example are we giving them? It seems a pity that the survey did not include questions on what punishments might be thought appropriate for the various sins. Ninety-seven per cent of those surveyed believe in an "afterlife" (with 62 per cent damn certain of it), and they will obviously be quite happy to share it, when the time comes, with muggers, murderers and rapists, all decent folk, non-sinners to a man - but they will rightly draw the line at Married People Who Occasionally Say Nasty Things to Each Other.
It is unlikely, however, that those surveyed actually believe in punishment at all. They will probably come down on the side of counselling (perhaps in some ante-room of Limbo) so that we serious sinners can get properly in touch again with our softest and warmest feelings.
Then we can all hug each other in Heaven for evermore, a prospect which is about as close to reality as these "educated Irish people" will ever come.