Sir, - Meat, and the consumption thereof, is much in the news lately, chiefly due to the disorder that I shall call the Ruminant's Revenge. That being so, many of your carnivorous readers may be contemplating a change of diet to a more vegetivorous regime, but are, perhaps, nervous of taking the plunge. Let it be said at the outset that vegetarianism is not for everyone - your correspondent Y, for example, waxing lyrical, as he does, about delicacies such as squirrel pie and hedgehog haggis, would be, I am quite sure, a non starter in the carrot munching brigade. But you never know.
The first misconception to be put right about vegetarianism is that it is not necessary to be one all of the time - it is quite sufficient to restrict the practice to mealtimes. And the good news is, some of you may be one third of the way there already, without realising it. Does your breakfast, by any chance, consist of a cigarette and a cup of coffee? What did I tell you - a perfect vegetarian start to the day!
Lunchtime brings the first quandary - we may normally console ourselves as we munch our tuna sandwich, that these piscine morsels were caught in dolphin friendly nets. Maybe so, but one thing's certain - they weren't tuna friendly nets. So let's settle for a salad sandwich instead - more nutritious and healthy, especially for the tuna. And relax - rumours about Mad Caterpillar Disease are totally unfounded.
Evening dawns (dusks?) and dinner springs to mind. Piece of dead cow? Dead chicken, perhaps? Maybe some porked pig? Put that way, they don't sound very tempting, do they? So let's griddle a veggie burger, and pop open a can of beans in order to keep the protein count buoyant. Made in minutes, and, believe me, Daisy, Henrietta, and Pinky will thank you for it.
A new dawn of excitement unfolds. A new era of exploration is beginning. You have yet to discover the delights of hash browns, lentil roast, soya steak, and more beans than you ever knew existed. Go on, admit it. You can hardly wait, can you? - Yours, etc.,
Castle Avenue,
Clontarf,
Dublin 3.