If the Easter Proclamation had been written by management consultants instead of poets

An Irishman’s Diary

Irish clients and Irish stakeholders: In the name of God and of the former generations of lived experience from which she receives her old tradition of corporate brand management, Ireland, through us, summons her human resources to the flag and, running that flag up the flagpole to see if anyone salutes it, takes proactive steps going forward to achieve her freedom.

Having sweated her military personnel assets through her secret team-building organisation, the Irish Republican Brotherhood, and through her open-source hardware units, the Irish Volunteers and the Irish Citizen Army; having patiently perfected her skillsets and synergies; having resolutely waited for the widow of opportunity to reveal itself; she now shatters the glass ceiling of that window, and supported by her outsourced children in America and by her strategic allies in Europe, but relying in the first on her own core competencies, she strikes in full confidence of achieving key deliverables across multiple platforms.

We declare the right of the people of Ireland to the ownership of the Irish customer experience and to the unfettered control of its future paradigm shifts to be sovereign and indefeasible. The long usurpation of that right by a foreign people and government has not extinguished the right, nor can it ever be extinguished except by a downsizing of the Irish people to the tune of 110 per cent.

In every generation, Irish stakeholders have asserted their right to national self-branding in the global marketplace; six times in during the past three hundred years they have asserted it in arms.


Standing on those fundamental metrics and again asserting then in arms, but this time with the added assistance of metadata, we are incredibly excited to proclaim the Irish Republic as a corporate independent market offering, and we pledge our lives, or to be more exact the lives of our comrades in the arms department, to the cause of its added value, customer-experience enhancement, and monetisation among the nations.

The Irish Republic is entitled to, and hereby claims, the loyalty of every Irish consumer. The Republic guarantees a high-quality user interface, sustainable trading ecosystems, and client-centric solutions to all, and declares itself passionate about pursuing the happiness and prosperity of the whole nation while also growing the business across multi-modal formats, cherishing all the children of the nation equally, and oblivious of the differences fostered by an alien government, which has divided a minority from the majority from the past and prevented us from being on the same page, hymn sheet-wise, or even having our flow-charts in the same swim-lanes.

Until the roll-out of arms has facilitated the ramping up of the road map to a permanent National Government, representative of the whole people of Ireland and elected by the suffrages of all her men and woman, the project management committee of the Provisional Government, hereby constituted, will administer civil and military affairs; actioning robust, laser-focused, goal-oriented policies in trust for the people.

We place the cause of the Irish Republic under the protection of the Most High God, Whose helicopter view and blue-sky thinking will be crucial to streamlining connectivity on the ground and, more generally, to progressing the implementation of rebellion 7.0, incorporating key learnings and bug fixes from the previous six versions (see in particular the consultants’ recommendations re. overreliance of French imports and under-reliance on accurate weather forecasting 1798).

We pray that no one who serves this cause will dishonour it by cowardice, inhumanity, or rapine. On which note, our men-under-arms department have asked us to mention that any looters and other unauthorised persons found loitering in or near windows of opportunity during the foreseeable future may be subject to imminent right-sizing by an undertaker. Unauthorised knowledge transfer, especially in return for pushing the envelope (brown or otherwise), will be similarly dealt with.

In this mission-critical hour the Irish nation must, by raising the bar, and by the readiness of its children to lean in, drill down, and get all its ducks in a row for the common good, prove itself worthy of the iconic destiny to which it is now called.

Signed on behalf of the Provisional Government:

Acme Insurrection

Consultants Inc.