Pat Carey interview: There was no ‘light-bulb moment’ when I realised I was gay

The dancehalls of Co Kerry were no ballrooms of romance for the young Pat Carey, although he participated in the teenage fun with gusto.

The future government minister and his friends “would pile into an old, battered Mercedes” and travel to see the popular showbands of the day and dance with girls in Tralee, Killarney, Cahersiveen and Dingle.

“A wave of young manhood would leave one side of the hall and go towards the women and you just grabbed whoever happened to be close to you because if you didn’t, someone else did,” he said.

“I loved dancing. I loved rock and roll. I loved the fun.”

Born in 1947, he grew up “in a very happy home” on a 14-acre farm on the side of a mountain in the parish of Keel near Inch Beach. The nearest small village was Castlemaine.

He thinks his mother Kathleen, “always knitting and sewing”, knew the eldest of her eight children was gay, although nothing was ever discussed.

“I’d say my mam knew I was different but they wouldn’t have had a definition of gay or anything like it. Mothers mightn’t articulate it but they always know,” he said.

But it was not until 2010, when Carey was a cabinet member in his 60s, that he fully understood his own sexuality.

“I used to say that person must be gay. It never crossed my mind I’m one of them.”

Overnight success

When he was appointed minister for community, equality and Gaeltacht affairs almost five years ago, the self-deprecating Carey declared himself an “overnight success after 25 years in politics”.

Naturally, he began meeting various advocacy groups and researching policy material as he immersed himself in the job at the top of his new department.

“It only began to dawn on me really when I took on the equality brief. I couldn’t say that there was ever a light-bulb moment, but it informed my sexuality.”

One small incident from around that time sticks out in his mind, although nothing major had happened.

“Round about 2010 I was introduced to a guy at a function by a mutual friend. For some reason we hit it off and I kind of thought afterwards, that’s different.”

He told his immediate family and friends that he was gay in 2011, when he was no longer a TD, but chose to keep things fairly private.

“Like most politicians, my circle of friends wouldn’t be very wide.”

However, he told Fianna Fáil leader Micháel Martin and fellow former minister Mary Hanafin, a close friend.

“I think she was maybe disappointed that I didn’t confide in her earlier, and she was right.”

He acknowledged the Fianna Fáil culture in the past could be quite macho, but insisted it was not particularly different to that of other parties. “They were no different to broader society in that they didn’t readily acknowledge diversity.”

So there was no formal “coming out” for Carey, although he believed he dropped a few hints along the way.

On a few occasions he found himself booked to launch publications for organisations such as the Gay and Lesbian Network.

“I usually said enough, without saying a lot, for people to realise ‘He’s one of us’. But as far as a formal coming out is concerned, no not really.”

He met his partner in mid-2011. They moved in together at the end of that year and have been a couple since.

Number of girlfriends

In his younger days he had a number of girlfriends who were “very good friends” but he began to place more importance on study and work than his social life.

He has no desire to return to politics but would like to play a “small part” in the marriage equality referendum.

Carey came to Dublin for the first time in the mid-1960s aged 17½ to take up a place at St Patrick’s teacher training college in Drumcondra.

He got a job in St Fergal’s school in Finglas, and taught there for a number of years before moving to nearby St Finian’s, where he remained until 1997.

First elected to Dublin City Council in 1985, he was returned until the dual mandate ended in 2002.

His first attempt at getting a foothold in national politics came in 1987 and he again failed to get elected in Dublin North West in 1992.

He resolved to give up, but was persuaded to contest again and was elected a TD in 1997. He lost his seat in 2011.