Miriam Lord: Pink ladies squeeze last mileage out of The Gays

As the two Pink Ladies fired the starting gun for the same-sex marital sprint (first couple to get spliced win a place in Irish history), a spirited and heartfelt rendition of I Am What I Am rang around the newsrooms of Dublin and the press gallery of Leinster House.

And from Joan Collins, no less.

Bravo!

A most suitable anthem for the evening that was in it.

All we were missing was Shirley Bassey.

At teatime yesterday, at a special ceremony in Dublin Castle, the Minister for Justice and the Tánaiste signed the commencement order and regulations for the Marriage Act 2015. Both Frances Fitzgerald and Joan Burton wore pink for the occasion, squeezing every last inch of mileage and milking every last drop of publicity out of The Gays.

The Government will be quite bereft, now that La Cage aux Dáil has successfully completed its journey. With the election coming up, Enda and the boys will have to dream up new excuses to take themselves down to Pantibar and have their pictures taken with every Minister's favourite drag queen.

Joan and Frances got the plum job yesterday.

The Minister for Finance and the Minister for the Environment announced details of their new housing package standing in a corner of the Government Buildings car park, slap-bang against an elderly Toyota Yaris.

Michael Noonan decided to whisper his contribution, in case subversives might be listening in. He kept talking about “Isis”, or that’s what it sounded like, until a nice man from Finance explained he had been referring to the Irish Strategic Investment Fund, otherwise known as “Isif”.

Alan Kelly declared himself very happy with the “comprehensitivity” of the package.

The two Ministers walked out together to the corner. Then walked off in different directions when their press conference was over.

Meanwhile, back next door and out on the plinth, Gerry Adams was unburdening himself of some pearls of wisdom to kick off his Dáil week.

Sinn Féin’s everlasting leader was in magnanimous form. He told the hacks he didn’t blame them for asking him questions about his party’s recent fundraising dinner in New York – isn’t it their job?

Journalist curiosity

They were simply voicing “genuine journalist curiosity” he soothed. But the other political parties, when they ask about the Manhattan shindig, they’re only doing it out of pure “jealousy” and “begrudgery”.

He pointed out that his fundraising dinner couldn’t be called posh or exclusive because it cost $500 a plate. Adams explained that the people who attended could afford to pay that sort of money, so therefore it “wasn’t elitist for the people who were there”.

But back to Joan Collins regaling the media via email with her own special rendition of “I am what I am . . . ” Joan Collins, TD for Dublin South Central, that is.

“Life’s not worth a damn till I can say I am what I am,” she declared, but in a different way. Not as snappy as the musical, in fairness.

“Can I kindly, one more time, and hopefully for the last time, bring to your attention and those of your journalistic staff, the fact that I am not a People Before Profit Alliance TD,” she pleaded.

“I was elected as a PBPA TD in 2011 but left that grouping in 2012, over three years ago. It is extremely frustrating for me and my supporters for me to be repeatedly described as a PBPA TD both in the print and broadcast media.

‘Poor standards’

“These extremely poor standards of journalism are damaging to me as they cause confusion as to who I am and what I represent politically.

“There is a general election due in a few months in which I will be standing as an Independent candidate. Please notify all journalists under your supervision to take note. If the situation continues I will have to look at the possibility of legal redress.” Well, if the legal route is good enough for Denis O’Brien . . .