Ballot Capers: Hugh Linehan takes a sideways look at the election

SITES FOR SORE EYES

Go to finegael2016.com and you’ll be confronted first by the happy, smiling face of

Enda Kenny

, as you might expect. But wait, is that Denis O’Brien laughing along with him? And the slogan says: “We have a long term plan to keep ourselves in power for ever.” Hmm . . .

First impressions are that the Fine Gael site has been hacked. It happened before, after all, in 2011, when finegael2011.ie was put out of commission for 24 hours and personal data records were breached.

This time, though, it's just a spoof site, with a slightly different domain name (.com instead of .ie). But it's all very professionally done and many people have been fooled. You would have thought the party would have taken the standard industry precaution of buying up all likely variations of its site name to guard against this sort of thing happening. Something similar has been done to Fianna Fáil, except a lot less effort seems to have been expended. Go to fiannafail.com and you'll be offered a range of services including "adult dating" and "sex dating". The differences between the two are not specified, but all tastes seem to be catered for.

FUTURE SHOCKERS

What is it about

Back To The Future

that appeals so much to party activists in this election? First Fine Gael TD Martin “Marty McFly” Heydon releases a video in which he zooms around Kildare South in a DeLorean pointing out really good stuff that would so never have happened, dude, if he hadn’t been elected in 2011. Then the

Labour

Party rapid reaction force leaps into action at the revelation that Micheál Martin didn’t rule out appointing former ministers to his cabinet should he win the election. “Fianna Fáil want to take us . . . Back to the Future,” blared Labour’s pastiche poster. “Starring Micheál Martin, Willie O’Dea and

Mary Hanafin

. ” Mary Hanafin? Does this mean Labour is officially conceding it hasn’t a hope of holding Eamon Gilmore’s old seat in Dún Laoghaire?

PRETTY VACANT

Earlier this week we reported the relaunch of Irish Election Rides, the website that allows voters to decide who is the most beautiful candidate in the land. The stakes have been raised by the entrance of Derek Zoolander, the supermodel played by Ben Stiller in a film sequel due this week. “Vote No 2 Zoolander” posters have been appearing in locations around Dublin, courtesy of the distributors. Seeing them alongside the real thing, it’s striking how many candidates have adopted a variant of Zoolander’s famous “Blue Steel” pout for their headshots.

YOUNG MAN IN A HURRY

The best way to avoid being buried under an avalanche of

Back to the Future

jokes is to elect a broader demographic than the 30- to 40-somethings who dominate party tickets. We need more candidates like Ian McGarvey (85), Ireland’s oldest councillor, who is standing as an Independent in

Donegal

. This week’s TG4 poll of that constituency may have given him only 2 per cent support, but even if he doesn’t make it in his fourth attempt to reach the Dáil, we’re confident if he perseveres, he’ll get there eventually.