Victim Impact Statement:I WAS raped on the 9th of March 2010. This is a date I'll never forget as long as I live. It is the day my whole life was turned upside down . . .
I was raped, not once, not twice – but so many times and in so many ways. These images haunt my days, my nights, my dreams and my realities.
These crimes had a huge effect on my life, I am no longer the person I was before. I was in fear of losing my life that day. I thought I would never see my family again. I thought he was going to kill me.
I was completely helpless that day. I always had myself down to be a tough, strong person but I was no match for him that day. The more I tried to fight him off, the more force he used against me. I thought I was going to die.
It took me a long time to feel clean after the assault, no matter how much I scrubbed myself. In the days and weeks following I felt like everyone was staring at me and talking about me and sometimes judging me even though I had done nothing wrong.
I now understand that people were very concerned about my well-being and state of mind. I had to do hours of interviews with the gardaí in the hours and days after the attack and relive the trauma of that day over and over again. I found this very traumatic.
I had to be taken to the sexual assault unit for forensic evidence to be retrieved from my body. I had to endure the agonising wait for the test results for sexually transmitted diseases and HIV.
Two days after the attack I consented to an interview to identify my attacker. I was shaking with fear being in that room but I was shown the support of the gardaí.
After the attack I had to face my daughter who had just come out of school. I will never forget the look on her face when she saw the state of me and not being able to explain to her what had happened to me. She does not know the beginning of what I have suffered; hopefully one day I will be able to explain it to her.
I lost my independence and sense of security after the attack. I no longer feel safe on my own. I occasionally have flashbacks which cause great upset and distress. I suffer from sleepless nights. I feel I have really lost my confidence. . .
Going through the court process was very difficult . . . I had to relive the events of the day over and over again. It was very difficult for me to give my evidence with my attacker only feet away . . .
It has changed me as a person but I know I have to put my life back together again and I am determined to get my life back on track.
I will never forget him for what he has done to me and my family. I would not be here today only for the support of my partner, family and friends. This burden is something that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. It will never be erased from my memory.