THAT'S MEN:War on waste puts pressure on relationships
BARACK OBAMA is making a speech about bankers’ bonuses on Chicago Public Radio in my kitchen in Kilmainham.
I am in another room writing this but I like the idea that Barack Obama is making a speech in my kitchen, so I’ve left my internet radio on.
When I return to the kitchen I have absolutely no doubt at all that my radio will have been switched off by my environmentally-minded teen, my ditto wife or my ditto 21 year old.
This is simply one of the indignities of living in an era in which concern for the environment has been raised to the status of a religion.
Another indignity: I live in darkness. I used to have lights on everywhere. I like light. It makes me feel better.
But as I go around the house I seem to be followed by shadowy figures switching off the lights. The walk back in the gloom to wherever I started from is about as much fun as a stroll through Glasnevin Cemetery in the middle of the night.
A recent article in the New York Timesreports that therapists there are seeing increasing numbers of couples fighting over environmental issues. I don't think this particular cause for war has hit Irish therapists yet, but since warring couples will fight over anything at all I guess the environment will soon get thrown into the mix, too.
Personally, I am tired of feeling guilty about the environment. I do my best. I drive the small car instead of the big car for nipping down to the shops, for instance.
But if I buy a fresh cod and chips I feel guilty about the depleting cod population. Slipping into Supermacs for a snackbox induces paroxysms of remorse.
Sometimes I find myself throwing a wrapper into the landfill bin and being too lazy to take it out again, wash and iron it and put it into the green bin. I assuage my conscience by telling myself that the recyclables in the green bin end up in landfill anyway, but I know that couldn’t be true, wouldn’t be true, isn’t true, is it?
What I refuse to feel guilty about is this issue of air miles. How far has this food travelled to get to our plates? the eco-fascists sniff. Well, I want the people of Africa and South America to be able to trade with us without coming up against a new form of protectionism in the shape of this carry-on about air miles. Cut out your ski-trips and your flights to Manhattan and then we can talk about food, I say.
In that New York Timesarticle (Google "Therapists report increase in green disputes" without the quotes to read it), one poor guy even gets in trouble ordering stuff from eBay because his girlfriend wants them to live a less materialistic life. So when the stuff arrives he recycles the packaging before she notices. Okay, he's an idiot to tell the New York Timesabout it, but the core point here is that environmentalism has confronted free spirts with a new and oppressive religion.
Talking of religion, I have a nightmare in which I die and get as far as the gates of heaven. St Peter is waiting. Beside him is a mountain of wrapping paper, newspapers, foil trays from the local takeaway, vinegary fish and chip bags, chicken bones, beer cans, wine bottles and all the other detritus of my life. St Peter points to the millions and millions of items.
“When you have recycled each of these, individually mind, you may apply to enter heaven,” he says.
I realise that this work will take longer than my lifetime. “Could I just go to hell instead?” I ask eventually.
“No way,” says Satan popping up, wearing a badge saying, “Responsible souls caring for the environment – making heaven out of hell”.
“What do you think of the slogan?” he asks. “I liked ‘Creating Tomorrow Today’, but my ecologically-minded daughters say it isn’t focused enough. What do you think?
At this point I wake up, realise I have destroyed the future by leaving the electric blanket on all night, and scream.
Padraig O'Morain (pomorain@ireland.com or pomorain@twitter.com) is a counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His book L ight Mind - Mindfulness for Daily Livingis published by Veritas