ASK THE EXPERT:Getting a baby to sleep and to stay asleep can be an exhausting process writes DAVID COLEMAN
MY EIGHT month old is waking up about 15 times a night, sometimes as much as every 25 minutes. Like his sister, from birth he slept in bed beside me. We found this to be the easiest situation as I was (and still am) breastfeeding.
However, this little boy has great difficulty getting to sleep in the first place, staying asleep and resettling himself when he wakes. The only way to help him achieve any of the above is by putting him on the breast.
About a month ago, in dire need of sleep, and, in my case, utter exhaustion from continually feeding him, we decided that it was time to wean him off the breast at night. For a week, whenever he woke, my husband tried to resettle him.
This involved much patting him, pacing the room, jiggling, in fact anything that worked. The situation didn’t improve.
As the baby is also a very light sleeper, we then decided to move him into his own room. Needless to say, this hasn’t changed matters either. For night time, we have a long and gentle comedown period and a strong bedtime routine of story, kisses to toys and lullaby machine.
As there have been a few nights when he has only woken once or twice, and in neither case looked for the breast, we believe that he has the ability to sleep well (or at least reasonably so). My question is: how do we help this child to sleep better?
Your son sounds like he has a short sleep cycle. It seems he moves from being awake to deep sleep and then back to Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep in about 25-30 minutes. It is probably every time he starts to dream or reaches REM that he wakes. It is also during this phase of his sleep that he is most easily disturbed.
Waking in this manner is not uncommon for babies and children. Especially for breastfed babies, it is possible that he is using night feeds to take in nutrition that he is too busy during the day to take at the same volume. So be wary of changing too much of his feeding routine unless you are able to catch up during the day.
At the moment it sounds like he relies on the comfort and security of sucking on your breast to help him fall asleep. It is only natural, therefore, that when he wants comfort to drift back asleep if he wakes that he will look to feed to gain that emotional and physical wellbeing. From his point of view, as long as he is feeding, all is well in his world!
I am not clear about whether your decision to wean him at night has been maintained.
Did you just try alternative ways of soothing him for that one week or do you continue to offer him something other than a feed when he wakes in the night?
If this is the case then it is also important that you don’t feed him to get him to sleep at the start of the night as this will lead to a continued association for him between feeding and sleeping and will just make it harder to settle him by other methods.
If, on the other hand, you only did the alternatives for one week then it may have been too short a period and so he still relies on breastfeeding for night time comfort. So, it might just be a case of trying again, for a sustained period, to offer him an alternative to the breast at night time, as long as you are confident that he will get enough milk in the day. It can take quite a while for babies to accommodate to a new routine so you do need to be patient.
Once he is accustomed to the alternatives to feeding, the next step you need to take is to not carry him as he settles to sleep. Instead, pop him in his cot, since he is in his own room now, and stay with him, but just not carrying him while he falls asleep. So while he still relies on your presence to soothe him he no longer needs your physical touch to give him the security to sleep.
The last step then is to begin to withdraw your presence from him as he settles. You will probably need to visit him every couple of minutes in the early stages of this so that he is reassured that you are still around and that he is not alone.
The process of withdrawing and getting him used to being in a cot without you is best done over a couple of months. That way you never have to abandon him to cry, which is too stressful for you and him. This process, while it takes longer, has the same effect and respects both your need to get sleep and his need to be minded.
David Coleman is a clinical psychologist and broadcaster with RTÉ television
Readers’ queries are welcome and will be answered through the column, but David regrets he cannot enter into individual correspondence. Questions should be e-mailed to healthsupplement @irishtimes.com
