MEN are slow to admit to fear. Anger is eminently showable and somehow more acceptable. We can roar, eyeball enemies or potential enemies, mark out our territory and defend what's ours from attack. Anger comes easy.
But fear? Fear is for wimps and women. Boys can grow up in a peer group climate where they're constantly expected to show they're not afraid.
The lad who sensibly declines to put his life at the mercy of a dodgy looking sycamore branch or won't walk along a railway line runs the risk of being called gutless, spineless or a chicken. And it doesn't let up with adulthood. Men justifiably tearful at the loss of a loved one can be told to bury their tears and be strong for the women in their life.
Fearlessness seems to pay in a man's world. Evander Holyfield didn't fear Mike Tyson and he pounded that arch intimidator to a crushing defeat. I recently witnessed a young farmer stand his ground, arms erect, in the path of a stampeding herd of cattle. He did not flinch. Despite their power to crush and kill him, the rampaging beasts applied their leggy brakes - just like in the cartoons - and skidded to an astonishing surrender inches from his feet.
There's nothing to fear but fear itself. It's the fascination of the encounter with their own fear that draws some rock climbers to take their life in their own hands. Courage, as George Patten said, is "fear holding on a minute longer".
But culturally we are programmed to accept women's demonstrations of fear more readily than men's. A woman who screams when she sees a mouse is somehow acceptable, whereas a man puts on the same performance he's likely to lose respect.
Socially, even perhaps genetically, men are the protectors of women and children. If somebody really must go downstairs in the dead of night to check out if there's a burglar on the prowl, it's no bad thing that it should be the man. But it is this social expectation and role of the protector which can fool men and women into believing that real men fear nothing.
Every man fears something. In fact, most men fear lots of things and many feel afraid of something, or many things, most days. Men can fear decision making, public speaking, violence, car crashes, poverty, loss of role, impotence, infidelity, success, failure, sickness, death.
Some fears are gender specific, such as meeting Mrs Bobbit or erectile dysfunction. Distrusting their capacity to initiate and sustain emotionally enriching relationships can also be more a male fear because of most women's superior emotional literacy.
According to Dr Joseph Fernandez, consultant psychiatrist at St Brendan's Hospital in Dublin, what men fear most is others discovering their fears and vulnerabilities.
"Men fear others discovering about themselves. We're all actors and we don't like to be discovered." He believes that some men structure their lives so their fears don't protrude in public performance.
THEY'RE seen to be performing adequately but it's another story in the secret of their own homes. Men's lives blighted by fear and doubly blighted though their failure to admit it.
According to Domhnall Casey, a psychologist and psychotherapist in private practice in Dublin, men can fear not being in control. They tend to be wilful rather than willing.
"We fear not being boundaried and create boundaries that aren't there. Men find letting go to the mystery of living very difficult." Mend can fear their own unconscious. Casey believes men fear their sexual and violent impulses because they are not at ease with that aspect of themselves.
"Self control without insight can be painful. We can't all know what's lurking in the deep. We don't all confront our deeper demons. Each of us has a different demon: obsessionals fear losing control; psychopathics fear being vulnerable; hystericals fear being abandoned." Men can also fear their emotions.
Domhnall Casey says some of his clients come in full of bravado and strength and soon they're crying and saying: "I don't know where that came from". Other men won't let go of anger or grief believing that if they cry they'll cry a river.
Domhnall Casey believes that all fear has a spiritual root. "Part of the male fear is the dissolution of the ego. That takes place on a spiritual path. We're all headed for death and most men are afraid of it."