When homework is about who's best at drawing battle lines

`I can't do it!" cries one little girl. "I'll do it after The Simpsons, honestly," says another. "I forgot my maths books," exclaims her big brother. A little shy child pouts: "I don't know what to write."

"You call this done?" shouts the father. "Look at all the mistakes you've made," says Mother. "Please for the last time, just sit down and do your homework!" screams the frustrated parent.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? It can become a battle of wills if homework and study are not presented or valued in the right way by both parents and children.

Homework and study can bring the most harmonious families into conflict at times.

Well-meaning parents can often slip into a nightly battle with the homework monster. Their eagerness to help and encourage their children to do well at school can unwittingly turn them into enforcement officers - or even see them doing a child's homework themselves.

If we parents let these battles about homework occur, then it becomes a punishment for everyone concerned; this in turn undermines the real value and satisfaction of homework and study.

By having to "police" our children into doing homework, we undermine our children and their teachers.

I know in the heat of the moment, when the homework needs to be done, it is easy to grasp the wrong idea. Homework is not an end in itself or a test. It is a positive way for children to reinforce what they have learned at school - to improve their reading, writing and research skills, to develop confidence, independence and responsiblity.

Think of it like teaching your child how to ride a bicycle: you hold the seat until the child is steady, prepared to let go as she develops the skills to ride by herself.

Then observe her from a safe distance for some time until she masters it fully.

For the teacher, homework is a way to evaluate what has been learned and what needs to revised. If a parent corrects all the work prior to the teacher seeing it, the teacher gets a false sense of what the child is capable of. And the child learns to rely too heavily on others.

Other problems can arise, too. "But that is not how we do it at school, Mum." Teaching methods have changed through the years, and teaching different methods can confuse a child greatly. This is especially true of mathematics.

When our children are doing homework and getting into a regular routine with studying, we parents must think carefully about our role. Essentially, homework is a contract between teacher and child.

Of course that does not mean, especially with the younger child, that the parent can't help, praise and encourage. It is how we help that is important.

Instead of "laying down the law", it is better to be the encouraging resource person if a problem or question arises. Instead of pushing, or scolding, try to make it interesting, asking the child to explain the assignment.

Then, with a little verbal encouragement and prodding, the child's imaginative juices will flow and ideas for the essay will emerge.

The younger the child, the more you are needed; the very young child will only be able for 10 to 20 minutes of homework. Older children may get 30 minutes, while in first year of second-level school teachers usually 90 minutes nightly to be done - which includes the homework assignment and revision of the day's work. These times can vary from school to school - if you are unsure ask the teacher's advice.

If your child seems to take an inordinate amount of time to do her homework, again you need to have a chat with the teacher and, perhaps, other parents. Talking and working in liaison with the teacher often brings a solution to a problem like this.

Children need to take breaks of 10 to 20 minutes for every hour they are studying. Fresh air and exercise are wonderful for clearing the mind, readying it for the next onslaught of facts.

Bringing them nutritious snacks regularly, with an affectionate squeeze and encouraging words, helps flagging morale too.

When our children are studying they can get tense and anxious, so teach them ways to relax, always making sure they get a good night's sleep.

Keeping the daily or nightly routine of homework from the very beginning helps greatly as the child gets older and needs to study for exams.

With homework, let your long-term objective be to get your children to take the responsibility for their own work and study, establishing from the start that you are there for encouragement and praise - and are happy to be a support-system for them in their own study plan.