Rainbows lets kids be open and honest

Celine, a separated mother of two, knew the Rainbows support group existed; she had read an article about it and was aware there was a number of groups in the Co Wicklow area.

"I knew it was for children of separated or bereaved parents, and when we separated, I suppose it was in the back of my mind. So later, when somebody asked me did I know about Rainbows, I thought it would be a good idea."

The Rainbows group, which members attend once a week, is divided into various age groups and siblings are never put into the same group.

"It means they are more free to be open and honest. They are not trying to watch what they say," says Celine.

It is explained to the children that Rainbows is their special place and they can talk about anything they want.

In order for them all to feel comfortable and safe while doing so, they have to make a promise that they won't repeat any details of what they hear other people saying in the group.

Celine's two sons had different attitudes toward Rainbows - her eldest, Robbie (14) loved going, while Ronan (11) "used to say he didn't really see the point. "Sometimes he'd say `I don't really want to go down' but then he would go. I don't know whether that was him personally or the age he was at, but he used to go, and when he would go he'd participate. But he wasn't as keen as the older guy."

The difference between talking about families with his friends, as opposed to other children at Rainbows, Robbie says, is "with your friends you might be doing other things like playing football or something, but with these people you are there to talk."

Before they start, Robbie's group leader asks about what's been going on in the week and, gradually, she gets on to the subject of parents and encourages them to talk about feelings they have had.

It is a very laid-back group, says Robbie. "People don't have to talk if they don't want to, but the more times you go the easier it is to talk." His group meets in a room with a plug-in electric heater, a table and seat for everyone.

The leader acts as one of the group and never asks any of the group members a question she herself wouldn't answer. Robbie says that sometimes, if somebody says something interesting, he wishes that he could tell someone outside the group, but "you just can't".

It is like a contract, but he feels good signing it. It means he shouldn't talk about what he hears in the group, so he doesn't.

Robbie's group is slightly different to other Rainbows groups in that it is for older children. Depending on age, different groups play games or draw pictures to show their feelings.

Robbie says he feels happier after his hour at Rainbows: "You've had a chance to talk about things that have gone on during the week." He admits that it helps him deal with his parents' separation better than if he wasn't attending it.

It is good that his brother is not in the same group, he says. "You wouldn't be able to say things about your brother if he was in the same group. You wouldn't want to say anything in case he was annoyed. You wouldn't want to say anything about your parents if you were afraid he might tell."

Both Ronan and Robbie seem to be in good form after Rainbows, according to their mother. Celine doesn't quiz them about how they get on, because it is "their time and space". She imagines that a child would not want to say things they think would upset their parents, yet there may be something inside they really want to get out.

Rainbows can be contacted at (01) 473 4175.

Names have been changed.