I came across a brilliant meme the other day. It was a play on the nativity scene with the three wise men kneeling before baby Jesus. As they handed him one of their gifts, the sage at the front said, “Just so we’re clear, this is your birthday and Christmas gift.” As a December baby myself, born a mere 10 days before what many consider to be the most significant birthday in the last two millenniums, I’ve never felt more seen in my life.
And look, I get it, I really do. December is the busiest month of the year for many of us. With social and school events, visits to Santa Claus, Christmas parties, and festive jumper days coming out of our ears before we even get to the 25th of the month, it’s a non-stop few weeks of utter madness. Budgets are stretched and time is precious, so we’re all looking for ways to be savvy and cut corners where we can. Be it snapping up a deal in pre-Christmas sales, getting ahead on the mountain of food prep, stocking your freezer to the gills or doing a secret Santa instead of endless lists, it all makes perfect sense.
What doesn’t make any sense, not even in the slightest, and is something I cannot stress enough that you should never, ever do, is combine a December-born loved one’s Christmas and birthday gifts.
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As tempting as it is and as clever as you think you are, please don’t do it – and never under any circumstances should you ever utter the sick-making words ‘Happy Birthmas’ to any of us. Not only is it one of the creepiest portmanteaus in existence, but it effectively erases the marking of the day of our birth as being in any way special or different.
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Unless you are a Sagittarius (born November 22nd to December 21st) or Capricorn (December 22nd to January 19th), it can be hard to understand, and you might simply assume that a December birthday is a gift in itself. Sure, isn’t it a lovely time of year, there are extra gifts, and everyone is jolly, or so you’re led to believe.
However, with no fewer than three, yes three, December birthdays in my household, I’ve got skin in the game here. I also don’t know what I did to upset the birthday Gods when they were handing out birth dates, but I can’t help feeling like I’m being trolled. Still, with so many anniversaries this month, I feel as though I’m overqualified on the topic.
To be honest, December birthdays come on a sliding scale of seasonal eclipse. If you’re lucky enough to have one early in the month, you’ll just about get away with people not doing a ‘Happy Birthmas’ on you; although tracking down a normal birthday card that is not Christmas related is no mean feat, and you’ll still probably get your gift wrapped in Christmas paper.
However, the closer your birthday is to December 25th, the more it gets sucked into the unstoppable tinsel-covered behemoth that is modern Christmas. Those with birth dates on the 24th, 25th, or 26th have little chance of much demarcation, and I’d argue that those on the other side of the big festive day and into the early days of January may even have it worse.
None of it is anyone’s fault, of course, but you’ll most likely find that many of your nearest and dearest’s social calendars will be full, and if you do manage to nab a few of them to celebrate your special day, it won’t feel like yours. Everywhere you go is decked out to the nines with festive decorations and Mariah Carey blasting out what she wants for Christmas.
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Restaurants are now solely the land of the set menu, with endless jolly variations on turkey and ham and dodgy plum puddings aplenty. Pubs are packed to the rafters with Christmas jumper-wearing revellers, and getting home is a game of pure chance with public transport, taxis at a premium and traffic resembling a practical joke.
The weather is almost always wet, cold and miserable, meaning you can only dream of having a BBQ or picnic outdoors, and with nothing to break up the year, I can’t help but feel utterly jealous of those who have a birthday in the spring or summer.
December babies are not ungrateful, of course, and if you are lucky enough to get a separate birthday present that is in the form of a gift card or cash, both are likely to be funnelled back into your own Christmas gift-buying fund, and you spend none of it on yourself.
The other given on your December birthday, especially as the month draws onwards, is that you’ll probably be a bit sick. Be it a chest infection, the flu or the good old-fashioned winter vomiting bug, there’s a high chance you’ll be blowing out the candles with a heavy dose of something suspect on you. And if it’s not you, then it will be your children or partner or other loved ones who are under the weather.
Despite it all though, getting another trip around the sun is a privilege to be grateful for and most December-born can forgive those funny little quirks and even have a giggle about them. But what we can’t let slide, and what you must never, ever do, under any circumstances, is wish us a ‘Happy Birthmas’.
