After living a Latin life in South America, it wasn't easy for Fiona McCannto return home and date Irish men again. She turned to the internet
In terms of cultural tradition, Ireland is not exactly the world's dating mecca. I'm not entirely sure how it was in my parents' time - that generation don't really go big on kiss and tell - but I have a suspicion that meeting for a latte to discuss your exes wasn't common practice back then.
Nor was dating the modus operandi for my own formative years. If memory serves, during my adolescence "dating" involved a heady spin on the spot to the strains of Roxette. Through university, the slow set was replaced by a litre of Scrumpy Jack and a slurred offer of a steadying arm on the stumble home to the closest bedsit. Dating just never came into it.
It may have been a financial thing. In the lean old times, nobody had the extra cash to wine and dine their chosen one. Meals out were treats for special occasions such as Valentine's Day or your one-year anniversary, not indulgences to be wasted on somebody you didn't already know was going to put out at the end.
But just as we finally came round to the joys of affordable depilation and 24-hour shopping, it was only a matter of time before the concept of dating slipped into the Irish subconscious. As we finally moved on from the marry-or-join-the-clergy model that prevailed, a new breed of singletons emerged blinking into the light, and began to look anew at this whole dating malarkey, wondering if there wasn't a way we could put our own Paddy stamp on this US invention.
At first glance, dating seemed ill-suited to the Irish way of doing things. Imported from our relentlessly positive American cousins, it appeared to involve a directness of approach not bred in the wild on these shores. The notion of popping your head above the parapet for rejection to take a clean swipe at you, coupled with formalised social settings and the financial outlay involved, does not necessarily fit with our national psyche. Surely it would never catch on.
But strangely, stealthily enough, it did. In some senses, at least. And it seems the Irish have finally embraced the concept of dating - but only now that it comes with fancy suffixes such as speed-, internet- and blind-. We've skipped milkshakes and moonlit strolls and gone straight for Dating With Intent. In droves.
By far the most popular is internet dating, given that all it requires is online access and a bit of creative flair, while minimising the opportunity for public humiliation, at least in the initial phases. In fact, as a literary nation, internet dating was pretty much tailor-made for the Irish population. It's all about writing fiction, see, and that's something at which we Irish have always excelled. In this case, the wannabe dater composes his/her pithy personal profile, taking creative licence with minor details such as age, height and drinking habits, and then waits for the e-mails to flood in from those impressed by his/her well-placed comma or overworked witticism. After that, much of the action is conducted online - e-mails back and forth, jocular repartee, but with the wonderful buffer of a spellcheck and time delay, it's perfect for both the shy and, sadly, the liar.
That said, the joys of internet dating are manifold. Perhaps the best thing about it is the fact that it can restore faith in the sheer volume of other singletons out there. Logging on to one of Ireland's oodles of dating sites such as dating.ireland.com, or match.com, will remind you that there are countless others out there just like you.
Hundreds of thousands of Irish people are internet dating. As hilarious blogger and dating aficionado Irishflirtysomething (irishflirtysomething.blogspot.com) points out, bargain-bin dating, as she calls it, is not often as good as it may first appear. It can sometimes throw up goods that have clearly gone on sale because nobody else wanted them. But if you trawl long and hard, you can find some undiscovered gems, and at least with online dating you get to see a photo, check their grammar and offer your own airbrushed version of yourself before having to meet up face to face.
Hand on heart, I never believed internet dating would take off here. Is it actually possibly to meet someone single, in your age group, who's neither your ex-boyfriend, your best friend's ex-boyfriend, your ex-boyfriend's best friend or an absolute bowler? Turns out there is! He's your cousin.
Yet despite such challenging odds, huge numbers of optimistic Irish people have taken to online dating, even if precious few are willing to admit to it. It seems in many social circles, internet dating is still taboo. Despite the fact that it has long overtaken the more traditional meet-in-a-bar route in cities such as New York and London, we're slow to accept the concept over here. When I first confessed to having dabbled in it, my female friends were delighted - curious, excited, and eager to try it themselves. But my male friends? Aghast. One went so far as to sit me down and remind me that I was "an attractive woman who didn't need to go online to get dates". I was close to pointing out that he was an attractive man who didn't need to be three sheets to the wind in order to approach a member of the opposite sex, but I managed to show uncharacteristic restraint and refrained.
I did attempt to explain to him that internet dating was less about need and more about, well, fun. In my case, I had recently returned home from abroad, discovered most of my friends had given up nocturnal outings, and I wanted to meet new people. So why not online? In the end, I only ever dated two of the online callers who presented themselves, but both were fine specimens and a lot of fun, even if it did turn out that I'd already met one of them at a party in his house 10 years previously. Well, it is Ireland after all.
If you're still suspicious of the face-to-face delay that internet dating implies, there's always the speed-dating option. Speed dating has nothing to do with the drug of same name, and everything to do with talking alarmingly quickly and being saved by a bell. Organisations such as speeddater.ie put together events at which attendees get three minutes with every potential date, to sell themselves or indeed be sold. At the end of 20-odd such "dates", you get to tick those that interest you and then hand your wishlist back to the organisers. If it turns out that one of your tickees has also ticked you, you are afforded each other's contact details.
According to friends who've taken part in these events, the typical Irish version tends to involve getting the whole speed bit out of the way in the first part of the evening, with the would-be daters then getting sozzled in a nearby bar afterwards and hooking up the old-fashioned way. The advantage, according to one male friend, is that you have already confirmed that those present are single. The disadvantage - you've just paid 30 quid for something you could have done anyway with a bit more gumption and a bit less inhibition.
With all these new-fangled dating options available, there is also a whole new dating vocabulary that must be learned, not to mention rules governing what to do - or more importantly, what not to do - on the first date, particularly if you want to make it to the second. Who calls whom? Who pays for the meal? Where to meet? What to wear?
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that, even if the US version of the dating game comes with a set of rules, there's nothing the Irish do better than subverting such rules. There's no reason we should follow the given formula, so defined notions about who should pay, and who chooses the wine at the restaurant should be treated with scepticism.
Rules about waiting X number of days before calling, never being available on a Saturday night and never, ever having sex on the first date are all well and good, but they don't leave much room for spontaneity. And that's the delight of coming late to dating as a nation - it means we Irish can create our own version of the dating game, hopefully where such prescribed nonsense gets the heave-ho quicker than your dinner companion.
Rules of engagement
Well, not rules, we prefer to call them guidelines . . .
DO
Meet your date in a public placeEspecially if you've become acquainted online. Until you know more about somebody than their typing skills, it's best not go wandering with them.
Make an effortIt's not just about being entertained, it's about being entertaining, too. Give him/her a chance Everybody gets nervous at the beginning.
Give him/her a chanceNothing worse than somebody who prattles on for hours and doesn't take an interest in the other party.
RelaxIt's supposed to be fun.
DON'T
OverdressTurning up in a ball-gown for a preliminary pint can seem desperate.
UnderdressTurning up in a bra and knickers doesn't work so well either.
Go DutchIt lacks grace. If it's a meal, one of you should pick up the tab. If it's drinks, get a round in each.
Drink too muchSlurred speech is never attractive, but your date can become more so with each drink consumed. Dangerous, either way.
Talk about your exesWe all know we've got baggage.