Joan Rivers: 15 of her best one-liners

Comedian died yesterday aged 81 was known for barbs at celebrities and herself

 Comedian Joan Rivers has died after being removed from life supports following complications during surgery. Photograph: Theo Wargo/Getty Images

Comedian Joan Rivers has died after being removed from life supports following complications during surgery. Photograph: Theo Wargo/Getty Images

 

Comedian, writer and outrageous television personality Joan Rivers died yesterday aged 81. Best known for hurling cutting barbs at fellow celebrities as well as herself we look back at 15 of her best one-liners .

On plastic surgery: I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year. My make-up team is nominated for ‘Best Special Effects’.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.

On aging: You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass.

You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.

Jimmy Kimmel on Joan Rivers

I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer’s. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.

On exercise:

I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

On love:

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I’d scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus – that way, I’d visit him every day.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese, most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.

On celebrities:

All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.

Lady Gaga accused Katy Perry of stealing her ideas. And Gaga knows she’s right because she can remember stealing them from Madonna first.

It just dawned on me why Jennifer Lawrence fell on her way up to the stage to get her Oscar. She tripped over her own arrogance.

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.