Creating memories

When a baby is stillborn, it's important to create keepsakes and memories to comfort you, writes ARLENE HARRIS

LAST YEAR when Treacy Devine was 37 weeks pregnant with her first child, she went into hospital for a routine scan. After a normal pregnancy, she was expecting everything to be fine and was relieved when test results showed her baby was alive and kicking.

“I had a totally uncomplicated pregnancy but a couple of days after my 37-week-scan, I felt no movement from my baby and although I wasn’t alarmed at first, I rang the hospital to ask for advice,” recalls the 28 year old. “They told me to come in immediately for another scan and both my partner Jamie and I began to feel a little anxious.

“I knew something was wrong when the radiographer went silent. I asked her was there a problem and she said she didn’t have the right training to read the scan properly and needed to go and get another opinion.”

The Dublin couple waited for the consultant and after a perfunctory scan he announced the worst news any parent could receive – their little baby who had been full of life just a couple of days previously, had died in the womb. They were heartbroken.

“It is almost impossible to explain how we felt at that moment in time but obviously we were both inconsolable,” she admits. “I was then told that I had to go home for the weekend and ring in on Monday to see if there was a bed free for me to be induced and deliver my poor baby.

“The doctor was very matter-of-fact and no one offered us advice or consolation. I was lucky to have Jamie with me and our families waiting at home, but I dread to think how a single mother would cope with news like this.

“Another scan confirmed that our baby was dead and I was given a tablet to start the induction process. But I didn’t sleep at all over the weekend and my bump got heavier and heavier as it dropped with the weight of my unmoving baby. It was the most horrendous feeling.”

After the weekend, Treacy rang the hospital to be told there was no bed available but when she began to experience labour pains, she rang the hospital again. “I was given a room by myself which was between the delivery ward and the new mothers ward so I could hear babies crying all around me,” she recalls. “At 12.45am on July 19th, 2011 our beautiful daughter Sophie-Ellen Devine McGilloway was born.

“I was both excited to see my baby and devastated that she was dead. It was a totally surreal moment which was made all the more upsetting as another baby was born at exactly the same time in the room next door and we all heard it cry.

“Sophie-Ellen was just perfect. We spent two hours with her – having photos taken, getting prints of her hands and feet done and trying to capture as many memories as possible. I was moved to a private room and our families came in to meet her. But again it was so hard because there were new babies all around us and fathers outside the door excitedly ringing people with news. I know it’s a maternity hospital but there should be a room that people who have had a stillbirth can go and grieve without hearing the joy of all the other new parents around them.

“Most of the midwives were fantastic but some were lacking in sensitivity. One in particular really upset me as when it was time for Sophie-Ellen to be taken for her post-mortem, she threw a towel over her face and bundled her out of the room instead of wrapping her up with the care and dignity she deserved.

“This is why I think staff need proper training when it comes to handling a situation like this. It is the worst thing I have ever gone through and a little bit of compassion and advice on how to cope would have helped.”

Two days after her birth, Treacy and Jamie learned that their daughter had died from a brain haemorrhage and set about arranging her funeral, ensuring that she would never be forgotten.

“Losing a parent or a sibling is undoubtedly traumatic but memories help to keep them alive. When you lose an infant, you have no memories to comfort you during the darkest hours.

“She was our first child, the first grandchild in the family and the big sister of any other children we might have – and she will never be forgotten.”

Treacy is now pregnant again and feeling very positive about the future.

Prof Louise Kenny is a consultant obstetrician in CUMH. She says a lot of research needs to be done into the reasons stillbirths occur.

“There were about 75,000 births in Ireland last year and roughly 345 of those babies were stillborn – that’s nearly one a day, every day,” she says. “In about half of all cases we never find a reason why. Where a cause is found, the most common reason is a failure of the placenta – either chronically over a long period of time or acutely when it might become detached from the uterus.

“Sometimes both happen to the same baby as one is a risk factor for the other. Even in cases where we do not uncover a cause, many researchers like me suspect the placenta is at fault.

“Stillbirth is a terrible bereavement – for a life not yet lived and a lost future. I recommend anyone going through this to contact A Little Lifetime Foundation.”

Ron Smith Murphy is the chairwoman of A Little Lifetime Foundation. She says parents should make the most of the time they have with their child and seek support from loved ones and other parents in the same situation.

“Parents who are given the news that their baby has died or expected to die are given our book A Little Lifetime which offers valuable information and guidance at a very vulnerable yet precious time and includes important information about creating keepsakes and including time with other children and family,” she says.

For more information visit alittlelifetime.ieor call 01 872 6996