Phyl Clarkesurrenders to an Ayurvedic experience in the Moselle valley
The "Strictly No Alcohol" policy was enough to clear the room when I mentioned that I was going to a health spa, even if it was in the Moselle valley in Germany. No takers there then.
In the end, I decided I was better off going on my own, to take full advantage of the complete rejuvenation promised by the expert staff at Parkschlösschen Ayurvedic Spa, near Hamburg.
Feeling a little like a prisoner on the way to jail, I took in the fairytale setting - picture postcard village with vineyards, forests and that river - on the way to my cell . . . sorry, health farm. At the door, I became Frau Clarke, and was shown to a very comfortable room (well it is five-star).
Every aspect of the experience appeared to be thought out in the minutest detail, from the calming colour of the decor, to the combination of orthodox medicine and Ayurveda.
After an initial consultation, which determined my body type, a personal programme was devised for me. My world shrunk down to a schedule of appointments, treatments and yoga classes. I floated through the next few days in a trance-like state, cocooned in a safe, luxurious environment. Meal times became an event, and thankfully the kitchen did not disappoint. The sheer artistry of the food on my plate made me think it would be a shame to disturb it. But that feeling didn't last long, and what an incredible explosion of flavours and textures in the mouth the meals provided. I could live on this sublime food forever, if only I could take head chef Eckhard Fischer home with me.
There was a wide variety of programmes available, including detox, anti-ageing and weight management, but there were no flickering candles, or pan pipes in the forest music. This was the real thing, and the treatment area looked more like a medical room than a new-age spa. But don't think the surroundings will not be conducive to a blissful experience. From the moment the therapists place a hot water bottle under their clients' feet, during the initial head, face and shoulder massage, they are treated like a precious charge, with the aim being to comfort and revive.
My favourite treatment was abbyanga, which is performed by two therapists who work in complete symmetry on each side of the body. It must take years of training to be in such harmony, and the Germans' no-nonsense approach to nudity made it impossible to feel embarrassed. This was followed by shirodara, in which oil was poured more slowly than you could imagine onto the forehead, combined with a gentle finger massage to the scalp. It was heaven on earth. All of this was very conducive to a good night's sleep, although I was surprised when I went to bed for the night and found, on checking my watch, it was all of 6.30pm. I didn't get up.
The other guests were a mix of couples, or singles who kept to themselves, and I sensed that people came here for time out from their usual routine. For those staying up beyond 6.30pm, there was a "mocktail" bar serving delicious fruit-based drinks, which encouraged social interaction. I met another frau there, who was on her second sojourn, and many others seemed to be regulars. I'll be back. u
Hotel Parkschlösschen, Bad Wildstein, Germany, 00-49-6541-7050, www.parkschloesschen.de. Rooms cost from €135, with treatments extra. Ryanair fly to Haan airport, which is a short taxi ride from the hotel.