Wanted: single-sex zones for our sanity

In today's world of equality, is it even more vital to preserve places where the sexes can stay separate, asks Fionola Meredith

Men and women are not what they used to be. Greater fluidity of gender roles mean that we are interpreting all aspects of our lives - as workers, parents and partners - in new ways. Today you're more likely to see a father bring his infant along to the hitherto female environment of a mother and baby group. He may look ill-at-ease as he struggles to find his place in the oestrogen-rich atmosphere, but the fact he's there at all is a striking marker of the changes afoot. A few generations ago, he wouldn't have been seen dead even pushing the pram.

Whether it's men at the baby group or women in the boardroom, there are fewer and fewer spaces in both private and public life occupied by members of only one sex. So are single-sex environments becoming redundant?

Is that the logical conclusion of the principles of gender democracy? Or conversely, as equality gradually gains force and impetus, will it become even more vital to preserve places where the sexes can stay separate, reaffirming their essential differences?

Joanna McMinn, director of the National Women's Council of Ireland (NWCI), thinks that women-only spaces offer an essential forum in a society which continues to undervalue women.

"We still live in a male-dominated society: current inequalities are evident in the political, the economic, the caring and the cultural areas. Men dominate all our public institutions, our economic, legal and political infrastructures. There is a persistent and significant gender pay gap [17.5 per cent], and there is an under-representation of women in the Dáil, on local authorities, on State boards and in the judiciary.

"Women's organisations provide a forum for the issues, concerns and interests that women wish to promote, such as women's equality or rights, or single issue campaigns; or a focused response to the specific needs of women - for instance, the Health Service Executive funds women's organisations to provide services such as cervical screening to women in both rural and urban areas.

"In particular, women often grow enormously in confidence through their participation in decision-making in women's organisations, and feel empowered in their personal and professional development."

How would it be different if men were present at these gatherings? "The focus would almost certainly change. Cultural norms of male dominance might emerge and be a cause of frustration."

But isn't this kind of separatism sexist in itself? Feminists have long argued that the exclusion of men by women and the exclusion of women by men are radically different phenomena. In the provocative words of Marilyn Frye, "it is nothing extraordinary for a master to bar his slaves from the manor, but it is a revolutionary act for slaves to bar their master from their hut".

Many feminists believe that the attempt to classify women's separatism as discriminatory ignores the continuing reality of male privilege, arguing that all of society is "men-only" space.

But with the rise of the men's movement, such arguments have been stridently challenged. The National Men's Council of Ireland (NMCI), an umbrella organisation formed to articulate men's issues and promote men's well-being, seeks to "highlight the inequalities, injustices and discrimination experienced by men".

It sees masculinity as "a vital gift to humanity". It has a particular interest in the perceived erosion of fathers' rights, promising to "respect, defend and cherish the unique and indispensable role of fathers, regardless of marital status, in the family, in society and in their children's lives".

Sean Kelly, of fathers' rights group Non-Disposable Daddies Ireland (NODDI), an affiliate of the NMCI, is passionate about the necessity of men-only space, where men can meet and support each other. "Unfortunately, in Ireland men still don't talk about their pain, even when it unites them. From an early age, men are taught to call pain glory, a validation of their manhood. We're resistant to sharing our experiences, because that detracts from the validation. Men need to learn they have a huge capacity to love and nurture.This is the challenge for men in the new millennium."

Patrick Love, director of the North Leitrim Men's Group, an organisation founded in 1996 to respond to the needs of single rural men, agrees that men can be tentative about articulating their thoughts and feelings, even in single-sex groups.

"In dealing with men, you have to forget about working directly on self-esteem or personal development in the way that women's organisations do. It's hard for men to speak out. The idea of being seen as a weak man is anathema to them."

While some single-sex groups are highly politicised, constantly fighting to protect or advance the rights of their members, others place a stronger emphasis on values of friendship and mutual support.

The Irish Countrywomen's Association (ICA), founded in 1910 and still going strong, was originally set up to improve the lives of rural women. While its members now enjoy a range of activities from crafts to computer skills training, Mona Gardner, the Dublin federation president of the group, says the core values of the ICA haven't changed.

"It's still important for women to get together to have space and time for themselves. Friendship is the number one priority for us. In the ICA, you make friends for life."

Voca Loca is an all-women a cappella singing group based in Belfast.

Members meet weekly in each other's homes to eat, drink wine, and sing. Nora Greer, a long-time participant, is enthusiastic about the positive, almost spiritual energy generated by the group.

"Singing together is an incredibly restorative, uplifting, joyous experience for us all. We sing purely for pleasure. And we make no demands on each other - participants are free to drift in or out according to the fluctuating demands of their lives. One of the things I like most about the group is that women of all ages, backgrounds and persuasions take part. There are very few other contexts where you find this wonderful diversity."

And of course many men have long enjoyed similar bonding experiences with other members of their own sex through activities such as sport - though they might use different language to describe it. Damien (32), plays for an amateur soccer team in the North.

"For me, the soccer club is a place to train, play and banter with other men around my age. That's the way it has always been. I've no problem with women playing soccer, but if women were involved it would definitely change the dynamic of our group. I think it would change behaviours; I don't think I'd feel as relaxed. Kicking a ball around isn't serious, but we take it seriously for 90 minutes. You forget about everything else that's happened during the week. It's a great release."

Some critics of single-sex activities and groups argue that gender separatism inevitably leads to greater division between the sexes, feeding the flames of misunderstanding and resentment.

Yet it's evident that many women and men experience times in their lives when the company of their own sex provides a measure of comfort, solidarity or stimulation that can't be found elsewhere.