These days, retirement is not just about pay-offs, pensions and playing golf- it can also be a time to rewrite the domestic rulebook. Berna Coxlooks at the pitfalls and pleasures which couples can expect.

The traditional perception of retirement was the gold watch at 65, the pipe and slippers and the wait for God. That scenario has now altered radically, thanks to economic and social changes. Good financial planning and healthcare mean that retirement can come earlier and be enjoyed for longer.

Those who have retired in the last decade or so probably stopped working at 58 and are likely to play golf. Modern retirement is referred to as a "change in lifestyle", a phrase which, for the first time, refers to partners of ex-workers as well as the retired themselves. It's a change of lifestyle for them, too. Sometimes it works; sometimes it needs to be worked at.

Antoinette Clancy, through the letters page of The Irish Times, told the country of her dismay at the negative reaction she and her husband encountered when they adapted their domestic arrangements to their new situation. Both had retired from their respective jobs two years ago and both are in their 60s, so not a lot unusual there - except that what Antoinette means is that she has retired from housework.

The cooking, cleaning and general domestic chores at the couple's home in Tramore, Co Waterford, are no longer her exclusive territory and she loves the new situation. Martin O'Boyle, her husband, effectively looks after himself and his needs and is perfectly happy with the arrangement.

Some of her contemporaries think she's strange, while Martin is the object of pity from many of his fellow men. Both of them are bemused by these reactions, as both are enjoying their retirement together. And they are together despite the fact that "some people seem to think that our life now is a constant row", says Antoinette.

Nothing, it seems, could be further from the truth. They each have their own hobbies, which they happily pursue, but they also share interests and spend much more time together than when they were working. They go to the gym together, walk their dogs and enjoy a close companionship. In their own time, Antoinette paints and Martin sails.

There are no set mealtimes in their house - they each eat what and when they like and they look after their own laundry. All household chores are shared. They're both perfectly happy with the arrangement and love their new flexible lifestyle. They had decided prior to retirement that Antoinette would "relax" her domestic standards a little and Martin would "improve" his. It's working nicely.

Effectively, what Martin and Antoinette have stumbled on, without the advice of any outside agency, is just what an outside agency would recommend. The Retirement Planning Council of Ireland has been running pre- retirement courses for 25 years. Eamon Donnelly, consultant to the council, says that it encourages participants on the courses to think of retirement as a change of lifestyle and something that must be prepared for well in advance. He recommends that clients attend at least two pre-retirement courses - the first, ideally, five to eight years in advance of retirement and another nearer the time. The council, he says, strongly recommends and encourages partners to attend also.

The courses deal with financial, social welfare and legal issues as well as health concerns and time management, but the main focus is to heighten awareness of potential changes in relationships and lifestyles.

Donnelly refers to "cross-skilling", whereby each partner learns to do the tasks that might traditionally be associated with the other. "It's important that this happens well in advance of retirement," he says. The worst of scenarios, he says, are when one half of a couple dies or leaves the relationship and the other is left with a skills deficit - the traditional male can't work the domestic appliances and the traditional female can't work the lawnmower. Modern couples are more likely to operate the model of cross-skilling out of necessity, he maintains, as both parties are most likely working outside the home and will have devised a chore-sharing regime.

Derek and Margaret Hartle of Letterkenny, Co Donegal, who have been married for 42 years, shared a domestic routine typical of their generation. Then Derek retired from a senior management position three years ago, aged 62.

A pre-retirement course was offered to them both by the company Derek worked for, but, ironically, work commitments prevented them from participating. Retirement, therefore, came as something of a shock - certainly for Margaret. "Derek was always completely focused on his work. I got used to that over the years and was therefore quite unprepared for having him under my feet all day every day," she says. His general "interference" in her life was difficult to accept initially.

Three years on, she says, they're now used to each other. She, though, has continued to pursue her hobbies independently as she felt it was necessary for her sanity to have some time apart.

"In hindsight," she says, "a pre-retirement course might have been a very good idea - particularly for Derek. It might have encouraged him to cultivate a hobby. Also, he might have been advised to be a little more sensitive to my 'space'."

HAPPILY, Derek and Margaret have emerged from the "battlefield that was the first year" of the retirement and have learned to co-exist peacefully. Margaret, however, on reaching 65 in two years' time, intends to "retire" from her role as housekeeper.

"Renegotiations will be necessary," she says, but she hopes they can work it out. Derek says that, for him, retirement wasn't difficult and he certainly doesn't miss the stress associated with his working life, but he does miss the people and the camaraderie. With Margaret's blessing, he has pursued a few hobbies and now fishes regularly and is a member of the local musical society.

Margaret Chambers, director of professional services with Accord, a largely voluntary organisation involved with marriage care, considers that Derek and Margaret did well to resolve their situation in just a year. Sometimes it can take couples a lot longer to adjust.

"It's a period of transition," she says. "Almost like getting married again." She adds that the figures for people seeking marriage counselling with Accord peak with couples in the first five years of marriage and then again in the retirement zone.

"People speak about the freedom of retirement and how exciting it can be, but sometimes, for some people, it can be an anxious time with questions of usefulness and how they will develop this new stage of life," she says. Very definitely, she adds, most couples make it through this transition period - how quickly they do so can depend on their past relationship and their willingness to address the issues. If successful, they can enjoy a world of new and rich experiences.

Chambers, like Margaret Hartle, uses the word renegotiation and considers it an essential process for couples embarking on this new phase of their life. She endorses the idea of pre-retirement courses and is happy to learn that the primary focus of these courses is now the relationship and lifestyle of the couple. "There was a time," she says, "when the focus was almost totally on financial issues."

Derek and Margaret's lack of preparation for their change in lifestyle is just what Eamon Donnelly and the Retirement Planning Council aim to help people avoid. The council is now running a series of 'Life Changes' seminars for the 35 to 55 age group. These encourage this age group to start the business of cross-skilling (if they'renot already doing so) and to share an interest.

Important, too, says Donnelly, is that men are encouraged to look after their health. Women, he adds, tend to be much better in this regard. With the prospect of a long and happy retirement available, both parties should try to be healthy enough to enjoy it.

Antoinette and Martin, it seems, have adapted perfectly to their lifestyle change. Cross-skilling came naturally to them. Derek and Margaret are definitely getting there. The cross-skilling has begun in advance of Margaret's projected domestic retirement, but Derek grumbles in the background that he'll probably still end up washing the bloody car. Such is the stuff of domestic bliss.