HE never crossed my mind from one end of the year to the other, but around birthday time he would become uppermost in my thoughts. Why, I would wonder, did he not do his duty and send me something splendid? My godmother's gifts were wonderful and I considered it highly remiss of my godfather not to follow suit.
For a child, the function of god parents is clear - presents and outings, the more expensive the better. But for parents it has a deeper significance. The tradition of asking close friends or family members to take a special interest in a new born child can be traced across different cultures and back in time to at least the fourth century. For most parents asking somebody to be a godparent to your child is a gesture of friendship and trust. As with any ritual some give it more thought than others, choosing a godparent who appreciates being asked, who stakes the role seriously and whose influence on the child will be enriching and long term.
Others, however, just ask whoever is handy. Another pitfall can be the case of the serial godparent, the individuals who no doubt because they're more flamboyant, worthy or wealthy than most, suddenly finds themselves with six or more godchildren in tow wondering how they're going to find the time and energy to do them all justice. But can you honestly say no if this title is cast in your direction? Equally, is another opportunity lost when aunts and uncles are automatically asked to be godparents when the chances are they're going to take an interest in any new niece or nephew anyway?
The most common form of birth celebration in Ireland is still the rites of baptism of the Catholic Church. This ceremony calls on godparents - who must be over 16, have been baptised and cone firmed themselves and be living a life "in harmony with faith" - to profess their belief that Jesus was born of a virgin, was crucified, died and rose again and "is now seated at the right hand of the Father". They must also undertake to make it their constant care" that the child is brought up in the practice of the faith. But many of today's godparents believe none or only some of the above.
Undoubtedly this is one of the reasons why fewer baptisms are being performed each year. In 1973, there were 80,451 Catholic baptisms in Ireland, North and South. By 1993, that had fallen to 60,286. Much of this fall off is accounted for by a drop in population, but some must also be attributable to the growing minority who no longer believe in Catholic teachings. Baptisms within the Church of Ireland are also declining and the trend is even more noticeable in other European countries.
So as society becomes less godly, is the role of godparents defunct? Is the whole concept an an anachronism just waiting to be jettisoned altogether? Or is such an inter generational bond even more necessary in a world where extended family networks are less close than they were in the past? Do children not need all the guiding hands they can get in a volatile, at times distinctly hostile world? After all, a ceremony marking birth serves many functions besides religious initiation. It welcomes and names the new born; it marks the commitment of parents and one or more other adults to the child and expresses a communal sense of awe and wonder at the sheer miracle of birth.
"When a baby is born or a child adopted the parents will usually want to express their joy, whether, or not they have religious beliefs," says Dick Spicer, president of the Association of Irish Rumanists (AIR). "The nice thing about humanist ceremonies is that they give people the opportunity to express those feelings and ideals in their own words."
Tony Monks and his wife organised a humanist naming ceremony for their son Joe. "Although I'm not the sort of person who goes in for public display I did still think it was important to formally introduce Joe to our friends and to mark his entry into the world," Tony says. The ceremony was officiated by Dick Spicer. Each of Joe's parents made a speech welcoming him to the world and his sister lit a candle, and in place of the usual pair of godparents there was one sponsor, Pat Murphy,
"Tony and I would have a similar ethical basis by which we would live our lives," says Pat, "and I think that's why he asked me to be sponsor for Joe. I see my role as being there if I'm needed as Joe grows older, another adult apart from his parents that he can call on."
"We chose Pat as a sponsor because he is somebody we hold in high regard," says Tony. "He's a straight and good person who we felt would take his role seriously, particularly if anything should, happen to us. That's one of the fears you have when you're nonreligious in a religious society that your children would be brought up by relatives who might not pass on your beliefs. In such an event, Pat would represent those beliefs for us.
A forthcoming publication from AIR entitled The Humanist Philosophy includes an Irish guide to non religious ceremonies. But it is perfectly possible to organise your own ceremony without any outside help. Trish Long was involved in an unconventional celebration on a beach in Co Mayo.
"When two of our closest friends had a baby, they asked my partner and I to be `spiritual mentors', because we would share the same values and outlook on life. So when the baby was about four months old the four of us headed off for Mayo.
There we were on this beach on a blustery, cold March day in our wax jackets and bigjumpers, she continues, "when we heard music coming, it seemed, from the rocks. Over the brow of the hill this piper appeared - another friend - playing Congratulations on his pipes. Next thing, we're joined by two dusty, dirty men who had been shovelling turf nearby and heard the music. So we broke out the champagne and each of us said a few words. Then we wetted the baby's lips with champagne and salt water. It was a lovely day, very special for us all."
Despite her non religious beliefs, Trish, who is head of marketing and publicity with the Disney owned film distribution company Buena Vista International Ireland, has also stood as godmother for four other children. "I feel a special obligation to each of them," she says. "I come from a working class background and so do some of these children and I see myself as a living representation for them of what you can be in life. I have worked my way up to a wonderful job that involves lots of travel and looking after clients like Sean Connery and Mel Gibson. I always try to impress one my godchildren that who you are, what you want and what you can give are much more important" than your address. In that sense, I feel a need to be there for them, not just to buy presents but also in more meaningful ways."
ONE of the reasons why non believers go through Christian baptisms, Trish believes, is because we lack the tradition of an alternative that is considered valid. In Britain, the Family Covenant Association promotes secular baptismal ceremonies and two MPs have put forward a Bill to have such ceremonies endorsed by the state along the same lines as civil weddings.
Social anthropology and history show that birth ceremonies and the naming of significant adults in a child's life are deeply embedded social rituals. Whether we call them godparents, co parents, sponsors or spiritual mentors, they serve an important function: particularly in a fast changing society.
"We will be much the poorer if we let these rituals go," says Trish Long. "As religious beliefs decline, it is vital that we find other ways to celebrate and that those other ways are accepted as legitimate.
