In a Word ... umbrella

Every visitor to Ireland should be presented with an umbrella at point of entry. It is one way of ensuring good weather. That has been my finding following a thorough study conducted throughout the recent summer (so-called).

The methodology was simple. Bring an umbrella with me or not. It became habit to do so. But I did test it on “doubtful” days. Such as when the sun was cracking the stones outside and vanity (or sanity) would not allow me walk through the streets of fair (on the day) Dublin with an umbrella.

I learned the hard way. When I did venture forth, and usually with some trepidation, I ended up being pi**ed . . . er . . . rained on, which invariably left me feeling very, very pi**ed off!

For, surely, as night follows day I would have a head cold in the morning. A head cold in winter may be part of our plight, but a head cold in summer is a warning of greatest misery ahead.

I learned two things from giving in to vanity: it is never worth it as it will rain anyhow and you’ll end up with a cold in the head rather than egg on your face; and that in an emergency you get much better value buying an umbrella in a souvenir shop than a branded convenience store.

Better still is that Sobo coffee shop in Dublin’s Pearse railway station which offers an umbrella and hot drink for €5. Where would you be going? Such enterprise! An award for the ingenious owner please!

I also think every happy Irish child should be instructed at school in the art of carrying an umbrella and, in particular, in the skilled knack of keeping yours ahead while all about are losing theirs. This is something increasingly required in Ireland as, due to climate change, our weather becomes more and more stormy. Don’t forget, we had eight storms last winter.

The problem then is in making sure the umbrellas of foes or loving friends don't hurt you, and in finding one strong enough to withstand unforgiving minutes with 60 seconds of distance run. Doing so, yours is the earth and everything that's in it, and, which is more, you'll be dry. Sans sun!

Umbrella from Italian ombrello, from late Latin umbrella, itself from Latin umbella, diminutive of umbra meaning "shade, shadow".

inaword@irishtimes.com