How anorexia has affected your lives

FIONA McCANN's article in WeekendReview last Saturday about her journey through anorexia attracted a huge response from those affected by similar issues. Here is a sample of experiences sent in by readers

‘Your article prompted me to search for help’

“I usually avoid articles about eating disorders as they are so close to my own experiences and thoughts that they make me uncomfortable. However, your experience mimicked my own so closely that I had to read on.

“I have never considered myself as anorexic, as I was never in denial that I was losing weight and I acknowledged when I was too skinny. I also knew people who I would clearly define as anorexic, and I didn’t view myself in the same category as them.

“However, even when I purposely gained weight the idea of it often provoked fear in me, more a fear of losing control than of gaining weight. This acknowledgement of a need to gain weight, mixed with fear, led to periods of binge eating followed by dieting. I am now back to a normal weight, greater than my original weight, and those who were concerned about me before now view me as normal.

“This weight gain isn’t a result of normal eating habits, however, rather a result of binge eating. If I could control it I would not have gained this weight, and only the fact that I can’t make myself vomit prevented me from purging.

“In fact, I feel I need help even more than I did before. I continue to binge while abstaining from food. If it was alcohol or drugs I feel I would have the willpower to stop, but as food is necessary, once I give into a small amount I can’t stop myself until I feel physically sick. I often wish I had the control I had while I was losing weight, because the feeling of having no control is perhaps even worse. At this stage, I think that binge eating has become a habit rather than a desire for food, as often I don’t like or even taste what I’m eating.

“Your article not only prompted me to consider myself as anorexic, but it also made me search for help. I have often felt that it would be foolish to contact an organisation that deals with eating disorders, as I am no longer underweight and I feel that there are people who need help more than I do. However, despite my constant attempts to eat ‘normally’, I finally have to admit that I do not have the self-control to stop binge eating and that support may be necessary to stop what I think now has just become a habit.

“Before reading your article I considered my lack of self-control an issue that I would just have to develop the willpower to overcome or else learn to live with. Although it was uncomfortable to read, I would like to thank you for writing your article. Although many others’ experiences with food have been familiar, yours was so related to mine that I can no longer dissociate my experience with an eating disorder.”

– Jennifer

‘I’ve used excuses to skip meetings (and meals) lately’

“I’m taken aback at how similar your story is to mine. I, too, developed anorexia at 21 in my fourth year of college. I was so afraid about what was coming next that I took it all out on my body and assumed control of my weight (or so I thought). This continued for more than four years. I finally sought help myself and entered an outpatient programme for three months.

“Now, three years on, I juggle recovery with qualifying in two professions, having a relationship, volunteering, and financing my negative-equity apartment. Your article this morning reminded me of what’s important: getting better. I’ve used excuses to skip meetings (and meals) lately.

“I used to have my own blog, but this fell by the wayside. I know the intention of your article was to highlight the presence of anorexia for the public, but as a previously diagnosed recovering anorexic, I found it a much needed kick up the proverbial.”

– Name withheld

‘My cousin died in hospital at a weight of less than 32kg’

“Last week we buried my cousin of 59 years, who had suffered from anorexia and bulimia for more than 30 years. It seems she really beat the odds by staying alive for so long with this miserable condition.

“She died in the hospital at a weight of less than 32kg (70lb). Her doctors decided she needed a feeding tube as she was not absorbing nutrients. The procedure was not successful, her organs failed, and we lost a woman who was funny, bright, and very, very sick.

“Thank you for your courage in telling your story. Gloria never could get out of her denial stage and tackle her issues. My two daughters counsel addiction and eating disorder sufferers for a living. They know how exasperating and difficult it is to be a victim and to be a person trying to help the victim, as we all did.”

– Dianne Murphy, Florida

‘Anorexia hung like a dark cloud over my teens’

“I developed anorexia as an 11-year-old and it hung like a dark cloud over the majority of my teenage years. Now I’m at college and have, for the most part, put that chapter of my past behind me.

“It was such a relief to read someone brave enough to put pen to paper and publicise their experience. I wish I could be so courageous. I have only ever told one of my best friends, although, as you alluded to, it was hardly a secret illness (to anyone with eyes).

“ While I would never wish such an experience on my worst enemy, it’s a relief to realise I’m not the only one affected.”

– Kate

‘We were very fortunate to catch it relatively early’

“I have read some of the literature and yours is the best expressed article I’ve come across.

“As a mother, I was pleased to see some of the myths as to causes addressed.

“I would also like to praise the eating disorder team at St Vincent’s Hospital, Dublin, for their excellent work. My daughter was treated promptly as an outpatient – and a public patient. We were very fortunate to catch it relatively early, and this you underline well in your article.”

– Name withheld

‘Recovery is possible and the disease can be fought’

“Anorexia has always been an issue that has affected me deeply. Two good friends of mine have battled, and continue to battle, the disease every day. I myself have had problems with self and body image that I’m sure many other young people my age can relate to.

“I believe that it is a delicate subject that is still very much taboo in today’s society, and that the stigmas and stereotypes attached to it are all too plentiful. It is not fully understood by many and some do not even recognise it as a disease. They are unable to comprehend how it can psychologically affect someone so deeply and how it can have such a profound influence over their lives. Some go so far as to call it ‘silly’ and even ‘attention-seeking’. When I hear people talking about it in this way, I know immediately that they have never had any experience of it.

“My friends’ struggle with the disease affected both themselves and their loved ones very deeply. Their road to recovery has been, and no doubt will be, a long one, yet I know how much effort they put into getting better every day, and their progress has been outstanding and admirable.

“Your story is proof that, with strength and determination, recovery is possible and that the disease can be fought. I feel that the more people speak out about their experience of the illness, the more the problem can be addressed. I sincerely hope that the article inspired other readers as much as it inspired me.”

– Name withheld

‘I have visions of my sister never fulfilling her potential’

“I can only imagine how difficult writing about something so personal must have been, but you have offered me and my family a glimmer of hope. My younger sister is currently lying, all too often alone, in a hospital bed attached to a nasogastric tube. I have been horrified by stories of chronic sufferers living their half-lives out in a sort of limbo, never really confronting or beating this awful illness.

“I have witnessed grown women whose haggard frames belie a life unfulfilled. I have watched mothers of small babies return to hospital in wheelchairs, unable to free themselves from this world of pressure and punishment that anorexia must be.

“I have visions of my sister never fulfilling the potential she so evidently possesses, of a horrid and hidden secret never really leaving her side. Your story gave my family hope, hope that eventually she will be released from this invisible but all too real cage that surrounds her.”

– Name withheld

‘I can’t live my life with a can of worms in my back pocket”

“I realise that it must have been difficult to sit down and write about your past troubles, but I’m glad that you did. I’ve been struggling with the issues you wrote about since I was a young teenager. I’m by no means at the severe end of the scale, but it’s something I watch closely about myself.

“Since reading your piece and a few others on the subject, I’ve been starting to reassess whether it would be worthwhile to get professional help. There is always the fear that it will open a huge can of worms far greater than I really want to address, but I can’t really live my life with a can of worms in my back pocket.

“It’s also inspired me to find new ways to celebrate food, because I really do love food despite all my troubles with it.

“I certainly saw lots of similarities in what you wrote, and it made me smile a little. Guess it’s not just me.”

– Clare Herbert