All the rage

11: Pre-holiday rage: What is it? It wasn't supposed to be like this. You were meant to spend the few days before your holidays brushing up on your Croat, topping up your St Tropez tan and ironing everything you own. But no, like every other year, a pleasant, relaxed build-up to your fortnight away is not on the cards.

For a start the person who is replacing you at work keeps phoning with irritating queries - no, staff cappuccinos can't be taken out of the petty cash; yes, ho, ho, there is a desk under all that paper - just when you are trying to nip out to the credit union.

Secondly, you have discovered that all last year's clothes are mysteriously tight and that you'll have to make another visit to the cheapest chain store in town.

When you get there the place is full of sticky-out skirts that might have looked fine on Doris Day, but no matter how much they scream "this season", flower prints do nothing for you.

Two days to go. Your in box is full to bursting. And you still haven't found anyone to mind the dog.

The symptoms? Friends and colleagues are scared to ask about the holiday, so you spend your days in isolation, trying to sort out the hire car and force the man in your life to even consider packing more than half an hour before you leave for the airport.

One acquaintance who dared to ask whether you were getting excited yet was left smarting after your rant about people minding their own business. It's a holiday, you raged, not an expedition to the North Pole.

Your credit card is getting dangerously near breaking point, what with all those last-minute purchases. Woe betide the person who suggests that maybe you don't actually need seven pairs of flip-flops. Or asks whether you will really wear those hot pants. What, you seethe, do they know?

The cure? It's no good to you now, but next year start planning months in advance. Turn into one of those annoying people who buy all their presents before there is a whiff of Christmas in the air. Pick out the togs in January, the flip-flops in February.

But for now remember that as long as you have your trendy sunglasses, a good book and your passport you'll be fine.

Oh. You still can't find your passport. Er, bon voyage?

What annoys you most?

Share it with us by e-mailing rage@irish-times.ie