8 ways to deal with a difficult conversation at work

Difficult conversations are inevitable at work. Here’s how to get what you need while also keeping your relationships intact.

1. Change your mindset

If you’re gearing up for a conversation that you’ve labeled “difficult,” you’re more likely to feel nervous and upset about it beforehand. Instead, try framing it in a positive way. For instance, you’re not giving negative performance feedback; you’re having a constructive conversation about development. You’re not telling your boss no; you’re offering up an alternate solution.

2. Breathe

If, for example, a colleague comes to you with an issue that might lead to a hard conversation, excuse yourself – get a cup of coffee or take a brief stroll around the office – and collect your thoughts.

3. Plan, but don’t script

It can help to plan what you want to say by jotting down notes and key points before your conversation. Drafting a script, however, is a waste of time. Your strategy for the conversation should be flexible.

4. Acknowledge your counterpart’s perspective

Don’t go into a difficult conversation with a my-way-or-the-highway attitude.

5. Be compassionate.

It’s wise to come at sensitive topics from a place of empathy. Be considerate.

6. Slow down and listen.

7. Give something back

If, for instance, you’re laying off someone you’ve worked with for a long time, “You could say, ‘I have written what I think is a strong recommendation for you; would you like to see it?,’” suggests Holly Weeks, the author of Failure to Communicate If you need to tell your boss that you can’t take on a particular assignment, suggest a viable alternative.

8. Reflect and learn

After a difficult conversation, it’s worthwhile to consider what went well and what didn’t. Weeks also recommends observing how others successfully cope with these situations and emulating their tactics.

In association with Harvard Business Review