Tale of an unlikely hustler

Golf is rich with stories of hustlers. Wonderful characters such as Titanic Thompson, Ky Laffoon and Smiley Quick became legendary for their outrageous deeds with mouth, club and ball. But this morning I have a tale of a hustler with a difference - and one who may have relatives still living in this country.

Mary O'Leary was aged over 70 on the June day in 1952 when an unwitting visitor, Hal Bruce, came upon her at a small, public golf course in Boise, Idaho. Limping towards him she called: "Well, son. No sense in us playin' alone on such a fine mornin'. How about I join you?"

Destiny, it seemed, had brought them together. "Hal," she went on, "what with lumbago and all, I'm good for only nine holes." Then, on being told that he played off 10, she offered him two strokes, which he indignantly declined. "I always play better under a bit of pressure," she explained.

Her backswing wasn't exactly fluid and her shots lacked length, but everything was hit clearly and down the middle. Though her putting was a little suspect, there was ample compensation in a few holed chips from the fringe.

As it happened, they were level on 38 strokes each playing the ninth, a par four with a pond which involved a carry of 180 yards off the tee. "Just for the heck of it, I'll play the last hole for what's on my bill," she suggested. "If I lose, I'll pick up the tab for both of us another day."

Hating the idea of taking advantage of this dear, sweet old lady, Bruce agreed. With that, he duffed a three-wood straight into the water whereas Mary played safely to the left, was short in two and then chipped close for a par. Bruce made a bogey. Shaking his hand as they parted, she said: "Can we do it again next Sunday?"

The attendant behind the counter smiled on being told that Bruce was paying Mary O'Leary's bill. She was in arrears and it came to $15.10. On the following Sunday, Mary won again, leading to another payment of $15. Noting the transaction, a stranger observed: "Well, friend, I see you played ol' Mary today. How much has she taken you for?"

Later, over a drink, the stranger added: "Mary is sort of a fixture around here. I found out that she came from Ireland, was a pretty famous golfer in Europe before she turned pro over here and now survives by waiting tables at the country club. Once or twice a week she comes out and plays with newcomers, people she doesn't know. In winter, she goes to Arizona and does the same thing. Nothing illegal, mind you, and she keeps her tab paid."

About a month later, a young woman called on Bruce enquiring if he were a friend of Mary O'Leary's. He agreed he had met her a couple of times. "I'm Megan O'Leary," she said. "Mary was my grandmother and she passed away in the County Hospital two weeks ago. She wanted you to have this."

He opened the envelope which contained a bill from the golf course. "Just before she passed away, she wrote down the names of all those who owed her a game," said Megan. Bruce suddenly realised that he was being asked to pay for the outcome of a match which was never played.

"She said that if anybody became angry to take it back," said Megan. "No, no," Bruce protested. "I'll take care of it." "Mary was absolutely right," he added with a smile. "This would, no doubt, have been the outcome."

"I once travelled on the European Tour's physio bus to Ireland after missing my flight." - Thomas Bjorn describing his most memorable journey to a golf tournament.

It was the sort of golfing injury that men tend to associate with standing on the head of a rake in a bunker. But in this potentially celebrated case, the damage was done by a wayward tee-shot. As a consequence, actor/director Michael Douglas is being sued for £100 million by a caddie at a New York golf club.

James Parker, 48, is alleging that his testicles were permanently damaged by the shot and that the Hollywood star stuffed $50 into his pocket and made an insulting remark while the hapless caddie was being stretchered away. Douglas is claiming that the shot was played by his bodyguard.

There can be only one Champions club in golf. That is what a court in the US ruled recently after the Champions GC in Houston, Texas brought a lawsuit against the Champions GC in Nicholasville, Kentucky, alleging trademark infringement. But the Kentucky club were permitted to adopt the singular, "Champion", provided it was used in conjunction with another word, like in Champion Trace or Champion Greens.

It seems that the Kentucky establishment happened to be first on a short list. At least two other US courses have taken the name "Champions" and attorneys for the Texas club have demanded that they, too, change their name.

"We are determined to protect our rights to our name," said Jackie Burke, who co-founded the Houston club with Jimmy Demaret. "When Orville Moody says he won the US Open at Champions, people don't know which club he's talking about. We can't have that happen to us; no club can."

For the Kentucky club, however, all is not lost. Under the settlement, they may retain their existing stone tee-markers bearing the disputed name and logo. Which prompted the club's general manager, Libby Hassan, to comment: "We plan to replace one only is if is hit by lightning or otherwise destroyed." Any new or replacement markers must reflect the club's new, singular name.

Golfers are endlessly fascinated by the rules of their game, as I discovered several years ago after introducing the item which rounds off this column every week. Keenly aware of this, the Royal and Ancient have compiled over 500 questions which could provide splendid clubhouse entertainment, including the possibility of a full-blooded free-for-all, during the dark winter evenings.

Available through all affiliated unions and associations - the GUI and ILGU in this country - the questions can also be used for instructional purposes. They come in true-or-false and multiple-choice formats and here are some examples from each (answers at the end of this piece).

True or false: 1, Material piled for removal by a greenkeeper is ground under repair; 2, In a handicap strokeplay competition, a competitor must ensure that his handicap is recorded somewhere on his scorecard before it is returned to the committee; 3,

A ball must be marked with a ball-marker, a small coin or other similar object; 4, In taking relief from a water hazard, a player need not proceed with the ball that entered the hazard.

Multiple choice: 5, In strokeplay, there is a bunker between a competitor's ball and the hole. Before playing, the competitor smooths footprints and other irregularities in the bunker on his line of play. What is the ruling? (a) There is no penalty; (b) The competitor incurs a two-stroke penalty; (c) The competitor is disqualified. 6, A player makes a practice swing and accidentally moves his ball in play with his club. What is the ruling? (a) The player has made a stroke and must play the ball as it lies; (b) The player incurs a penalty of one stroke and must replace the ball; (c) There is no penalty and the player must replace the ball.

Answers: 1, true; 2, true; 3, false; 4, true; 5, b; 6, b.

Incidentally, should anybody be tempted to doubt these answers, as frequently happens with the weekly teasers, may I gently remind them that this is the gospel according to the R and A. I am but a humble messenger.

This Day In Golf History . . . On August 29th 1977, the Irish Open title went to America for a second successive year. It was won by 31-year-old Hubert Green who, two months previously, had captured the US Open at Southern Hills. With a closing round of 70 at Portmarnock, Green completed an aggregate of 283 to win by a stroke.

The runner-up was Ben Crenshaw, who had won at Portmarnock the previous year. And there was a wonderful Irish story in the performance of Jimmy Kinsella who, while taking medication for an irregular heartbeat, shot a final round of 71 for 285 to share third place with the English left-hander Peter Dawson and a promising, blond Australian by the name of Greg Norman.

TEASER: A player playing from the teeing ground misses the ball completely. He pushes his tee further into the ground and plays. Is there a penalty?

ANSWER: Yes. As the ball was in play after the player had made a stroke at it, he incurred a penalty of one stroke under Rule 18-2a when he teed the ball lower, and a penalty of loss of hole in matchplay or a total penalty of two strokes in strokeplay because the ball was not subsequently replaced.