Give people what they want and they'll always turn up

This seasonal tale from Peter Alliss (right) concerns the death of a club's most unpopular member, an unconverted Scrooge. Notoriously mean, he never subscribed to the staff's Christmas fund and would strip the clubhouse of magazines, papers, soap, tissues - anything that wasn't nailed down. Yet when he died, there was a huge turn-out for his funeral.Astonished, a young committee member turned to the old club secretary and asked: "How could such an unpopular member attract such a huge attendance?" "It's like showbusiness," the wise one replied with a quiet smile. "If you give the people what they want, they'll always turn up."