NEWTON'S OPTIC:AS A NORTHERNER, I find the question of whether the Republic should rejoin the Commonwealth to be outrageously presumptive, writes NEWTON EMERSON
What on Earth makes anyone think we’d have you? For almost a century, the Irish have used multinational institutions to defame, insult and attack the British state. From Éamon de Valera at the League of Nations and Seán MacBride at the United Nations to Charlie McCreevy at the EU, British officials and politicians have scarcely been able to step on to the world stage without the protest of some squeaky Irish floorboard.
Commonwealth meetings provide our country with international respite from Ireland’s nationalist spite. There, Her Majesty’s diplomats may meet their peers without dreading the whiskey-dark whine of another lament from the bog.
Nobody serving my country abroad should have to endure the recreational Anglophobia of bad- mouthing Irish exceptionalists.
Imagine the embarrassment of discussing food aid to Zimbabwe, only to have some bitter buffoon bring up the potato famine.
In fact, imagine discussing any problem with any country when one country in the room insists on seeing everything loudly and exclusively in terms of its own problem with your country.
Maintaining an Irish-free zone is particularly important for an institution headed by the British monarch. Of the 53 members, 32 are republics and five have their own monarchies. Of the 2.1 billion Commonwealth citizens, more than half are Hindu and more than one-quarter are Muslim. None of this would stop every Irish delegate moaning about “anti-Catholic racism” because they personally will never be king.
The Commonwealth is a highly successful organisation with countries queuing up to join. It has no need to lower itself by chasing Ireland. Prospective members include Sudan, Rwanda and Israel, who would all be far less trouble.
It is especially galling to realise that Irish Commonwealth membership is often suggested as a “confidence-building gesture” to my own tribe. Why would Ulster unionists want yet another place to meet the Irish? We already have a British-Irish Intergovernmental Conference, a British-Irish Council, a North/South Ministerial Council and Tesco in Newry.
The supporters of Irish membership point to the Commonwealth Games as a key attraction. Northern Ireland competes in those games as a separate territory. Do we really want to have the argument over all-Ireland teams and anthems repeated in the popular sports of rugby sevens, lawn bowls and orienteering?
I am proud to be a citizen of the Commonwealth and opportunistic critics should note that I am not a subject. Only people born in the Republic before 1949 can correctly call themselves “subjects”.
That loophole exists because you left the Commonwealth in such a hurry. Please don’t feel any need to hurry back.