Una Mullally: Toxic sexism becomes the new normal

I recently visited the National Archives in Washington DC, where the original Declaration of Independence, bill of rights and US constitution are displayed, because I wanted to see those mythical documents that get argued over by pundits and politicians in the flesh.

A group of schoolchildren, around 11 or 12 years old, were in the queue next to me. Most of the young boys in the group wore “Make America Great Again” baseball caps. None of the girls did. This was in the aftermath of the recording of Donald Trump bragging about sexually assaulting women, which had taken over the news cycle.

Imagine a young boy or girl hearing the details on the news, and then hearing it excused by adults as “boys will be boys”. What does that say? To a young girl, it says that this is something they need to accept, expect and tolerate as the norm. To a young boy, it says that this is acceptable – and expected – behaviour. I wonder how it felt to the young girls that their classmates were taking up Trump as “their guy”.

As children, they presumably didn’t fully conceptualise what that meant, but perhaps in later years it would be another moment where as women they might unravel the times when they were put in their place. Men who can’t experience the strange discomfort of being a woman in a culture that demeans us sometimes belittle such experiences. But they are real.

Environment matters

As we’ve seen in the remarkable rise in hate crime since the Brexit referendum, which gave a platform to intolerance, racism, hatred and bigotry (a 147 per cent rise in hate crimes against LGBT people alone in the three months after the vote), environments matters, atmospheres are created, cultures are constructed. Norms are normalised.

Yet, as the recent maelstroms of intolerance in Britain and the US, especially when it comes to those supporters of Brexit and Trump belittling and dehumanising anyone other than straight white men, we sometimes fool ourselves into thinking that intolerance is the preserve of those who just don’t know any better. When it comes to discrimination and hate, it is the ignorant versus the smart people. That is, of course, wrong.

Last week the Harvard men’s soccer team had their season suspended after it was revealed that a common practice among player was circulating sexually explicit “scouting reports” about new members of the women’s soccer team. These documents described the female players’ attributes in insulting terms, ranked their attractiveness, assigned them sexual positions, and more. Demeaning and hateful, yes, but don’t tell me people who are enrolled in Harvard are stupid.

The behaviour was not limited to soccer players. The Harvard Crimson reported at the weekend that the university men's cross country team "produced yearly spreadsheets about the members of the women's team, sometimes writing 'sexually explicit' comments about them".

Women often face opposition in calling out misogyny. Sometimes I wonder: is this because women can’t identify a narrow target? We can’t say it’s stupid people or people “over there”, because the culture is so pervasive. Men who deny a culture of misogyny frequently amplify their own voices on the matter instead of listening to those who actually experience it, without realising that that very action is actually part of the culture they are seeking to deny.

Safe space

For centuries, men have existed in their own “safe spaces”, where the exclusion, subordination, objectification and demeaning of women was the norm. Feminism changed this, but very frequently the pretence that women are on an equal footing – because it is a pretence in many quarters – is broken, and the lid is lifted.

When a scandal such as the one at Harvard breaks, an almost artificial sense of shock engulfs it, as if we must pretend that such behaviour is out of ordinary as opposed to part of the norm. But how can we be surprised about Harvard or Trump – the thin end of the wedge of sexual violence – when there are far more shocking reminders of the consequences for women on a daily basis?

These reminders are in our pockets and newsagents, the daily newsfeed that is a narrative of the consequences of the demeaning and dehumanisation and objectification of women.

I wonder if other women get worn down by scrolling through the news, only to be confronted with that daily reminder of what happens to people just like us:

“Sex offender sentenced to 14 years for rape and sexual abuse”. “Judge request to see skirt woman was wearing during alleged rape.” “Father guilty of sexual abuse of daughter sentenced to 10 years.” “Dublin man who abused four sisters given 12-year sentence.” “Laois man convicted of raping and beating his wife.” “Man who fathered two children with stepdaughter jailed for 12 years.” “Rickshaw driver who left severely injured woman in Dublin laneway after raping her is jailed.” “Man accused of strangling his girlfriend with a belt on a camping trip.”

I wonder if men read the news in the same way? I wonder if those who said that so-called locker room banter never features women being demeaned really believe that? I wonder if the Harvard boys thought their attitudes were harmless? I wonder how those girls in Washington felt when the boys put on their “Make America Great Again”caps?