The dogs in the street feel that they are ready to be whisked to the White House, wrties ANN MARIE HOURIHANE
YOU CAN'T blame Barney Bush for biting that reporter. What a time poor Barney and his canine twin, Miss Beazley, have been having.
First of all they were locked into the White House by the very people who used to work for their master, whose name is . . . oh yeah, George. George was shut-in during the election, in case he ran around in the streets embarrassing his political family. Then on Tuesday night the mob really did come to the castle.
A crowd of jubilant Obama supporters swept up to the gates of the White House chanting "Yes We Can" in an aggressive fashion. Someone was even carrying a home-made banner which read "Why Wait? Evict Bush Now." These things are bound to tell on a dog. In a couple of fleeting dog-years Barney has gone from lying in the lap of the Sun King to sitting in the tumbril with Marie Antoinette.
This is called defeat, Barney, and humans do not call it bitter for nothing. The only thing you have going for you now is that you have achieved hero status within what is left of the Republican Party.
In biting that reporter, you demonstrated a more clear-headed election strategy than the Republican Party ever did. You also reflected perfectly its attitude to a dewy-eyed, Obama-obsessed media. (God, Barney, some of us cried our way through the news footage all day Wednesday. It was fantastic.)
But, desperate as they were, it was a mistake for the president's handlers to trot you out to meet the press. Anyone looking at you could see that you were cranky. You were surrounded by strangers.
Reporters are notoriously negligent about the delicate social etiquette of bottom-sniffing, and that foolish man approached you much too suddenly.
Things are kind of out of control out here, too, Barney. The dogs in the street feel that they are ready to be whisked to the White House. We have our own candidate - small, weird, short legged and very bright. We had to break it to her gently that the new First Dog is going to have to be not only sociable, photogenic, good with kids and reporters, but hypoallergenic as well. That's a tall order. The Obamas wanted a rescue dog. A lady from the One More Chance For Love dog shelter in California said that she had the ideal candidate ready for delivery to Pennsylvania Avenue.
The president-elect himself said that his family would have liked "a mutt, like me". (He should not have said that, Barney. I know he was very relaxed and happy at the time, but that remark was too self-denigrating.) Anyway, the dog trainers are standing by to initiate this new and fabulous First Dog into the ways of politics.
The guy from Opportunity Barks (you have to love America) has already volunteered to put the lucky winner through his or her paces. The main reason for getting a new First Dog is, ostensibly, the new First Children. We can understand that the young Obamas have been fobbed off for years on this one.
First of all their mother was working, then their dad was doing gigs all over the country. These are not ideal circumstances in which to provide a dog with a stable environment, and God knows those dog rescue people are tough. They come round to prospective owners' houses with a questionnaire and want to know how much of each day the dog will be left alone.
Presumably that's not going to be a problem for the new First Dog.
But let's not worry about the new First Dog, Barney - it will be well looked after, adored by two little girls and every news editor in America. Let's talk about you.
What are you going to do now that the dust has settled? Do you feel that the dynasty has ended? Are you going to live out the rest of your days on some Texas estate, leading the life of a country gentleman? (Don't go shooting with Dick Cheney, Barney. Just a hunch.) Or are you going to stage some sort of political comeback by lurching even further to the right and trying to become Sarah Palin's pet? (Barney, you'd have to catch your own dinner).
Over here, we feel at something of a loose end ourselves. When are we going to get our Barack Obama? The American election has left us feeling rather flat. Because we have the same economic crisis, the same plummeting property prices (and property is all we ever had, Barney), the same rising unemployment. But we don't have a Barack Obama. And we don't have one single idea of what we should do.
Other countries don't need a Barack Obama like we do, Barney. Sensible countries believe in their political systems and are understandably cautious about beautiful heroes arriving out of the sky to rescue them from themselves.
But Ireland is an emotional country like America - which is another way of saying that it is a damn mess - and we take very kindly to leaders, when we can find them. We really need a Barack Obama. Otherwise it is quite possible that we will go for a Jörg Haider instead.