Sir, - Last evening I went to get my bike, which I'd chained to a lamp-post in Ely Place oposite the new Ogilvy building. But some eejit had chained their bike to my bike. This is a scam I'd heard of before - the idea being that I'd unlock my chain, discover the problem, then storm off to make a phone call or whatever, leaving the other party free to unchain their bike and make off with mine. So I "mobiled" the gardai in Harcourt Terrace, who said that, to stay within the law, I should bring the two bikes chained together to the station, which I did; where a number of guards stood around, holding their sides, tickled by this scenario and wanting to know if Mike Murphy would appear in some sort of Candid Camera episode. They tried to prize the bikes apart with jacks, jemmies, and cajolery, but there was no joy. Eventually, Garda Reddington said he knew of a guy with an angle-grinder, and could I come back at two o'clock today. Which I did. Garda Reddington was as good as his word, and the angle-grinder soon put an end to the bikes' metallic congess in a flurry of sparks. To those wonderful, good humoured and efficient gardai in Harcourt Terrace, my thanks. To the eejit who chained his bike to mine, you can collect your bike at the above station, minus your chain - if you really want to. - Yours, etc.,
Don McGuinness, Ogilvy Ireland, Ely Place, Dublin 2.