Joe Armstrong kicks off an advice column which will run until the end of the Lenten period
"It's killing me - but I just can't stop."
"I can fit into nothing."
"I"ve lost everything -- my children, home, wife, job."
"What's the point of fighting it - I'll do it anyway."
What do you want to stop? It could be obvious things like smoking, eating too much or working too long. Booze. Or pigging out on chocolate. Maybe it's compulsive sex. Or do you shop 'till you drop and your credit card's burning?
Perhaps you're a news junkie or a compulsive gambler? How about criticism: at what point do you stop criticising people - or yourself? Knowing when - and how - to stop is something many of us need to learn. Imbalance, they call it.
Any addiction, compulsion or bad habit holds us back from fulfilling ourselves. Once we've acted out the addiction, we feel bad about ourselves. Our energy deflates and dissipates. We turn in on ourselves. We've less to give. Addictions dance on the grave of our self-esteem. They damage relationships, empty our pockets, bludgeon our confidence.
Stopping is the greatest boost you could give to your freedom, fulfilment and good fortune. You'll discover that goals you had considered unattainable lie well within your reach.
This series is for anyone thinking of leaving behind any addictive behaviour. It's a shortened version of my new book Write Way to Stop Smoking described by Dr Prannie Rhatigan as "the thinking person's guide to stopping smoking". Tackling other addictions too, it suggests you take four weeks to prepare before your Quit Date. But, hey, Ash Wednesday, the traditional gateway to abstinence, is on February 25th - only two weeks away. Let's attempt a fasttrack preparation to stop all addictions!
Any addiction is personal desire gone haywire. Forget about addictions for a while and write down your highest dreams, desires and ambitions. Keep it short and simple. Just a few sentences. Picture yourself fulfilling your potential. What would you be doing? What would your relationships be like? What about your health? What you at? Where would you live?
Done? You've just written your personal mission. Now, buy a journal. Write three pages in it each morning. Spontaneous stuff. Whatever's on your mind. Try it. Don't know what to write? Write 'I don't know what to write.' Keep at it until you've written three pages. Make time for this. If you shout 'What about screaming kids?' hear the whisper: if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results. Go to bed earlier if you need to get up earlier.
Explore in your journal why you want to stop addictive behaviours. Get it onto paper. As many reasons as you can think of. Your call to stop acting out addictions arises within yourself (your thoughts, feelings, body) and from without, such as a doctor, friend or child. Explore your blocks to stopping: 'I couldn't cope without it,' 'I tried before and failed,' or 'I have to die of something.' Rewrite each of your blocks positively, such as 'I will cope without it.'
Ponder these core beliefs: 'I can stop my addictive behaviour.' 'I have nothing to fear in stopping.' 'I am willing to look at the uncontrolled use of alcohol, drugs, work, sex, food, gambling, stealing, shopping or any other compulsions in my life.'
Commit to taking two hours off just for you each week. That's two hours in every 168 hours. Go to a cinema, walk a beach, have a sauna or massage, paint a silly picture, listen to music. Let me know how you're getting on.
joearmstrong@irish-times.ie
Published by Glebe, Write Way to Stop Smoking costs 12.99. For more information, see www.writeway2stopsmoking.com