Mind Moves:Our lifetime is one lifetime only. It does not get extended infinitely. It cannot exceed its course. It has a natural end if it is not ended in an untimely manner.
Our expected lifespan now exceeds that of Methuselah who was once the image and reference point for longevity. That was long ago.
His miserly three score and 10 years may once have been considered ancient and old. Now it is the age at which most people are planning exciting adventures for the decades ahead.
Perhaps this potential longevity seduces us into thinking that there is plenty of time to do what we want to do when we have finished doing what we must. That we can live life later on, when we have time and money and the opportunity to do what it is we would really like to do.
Perhaps it tells us that first there are goals to be achieved, career steps to be attained, wealth to be acquired and security to be ensured before we can consider what we really want from life.
Perhaps it is not in our nature to acknowledge that the life we are living now is it, not a rehearsal, no re-runs: that you get one chance, one lifetime.
Only once can you be a child, adolescent, a young adult, an older adult. You live your 20s once, your 30s, your 40s, your 50s, your 60s, each decade but one time, and in those decades there are opportunities which, if they are not taken, may be lost forever.
What is postponed may never be achieved. Tomorrow may never come. The best-laid plans may not materialise and time can run out before you have learned what really matters to you.
The American humorist and newspaper columnist Erma Bombeck provides stark insight into this reality in the words she wrote upon learning that she was dying. She enumerated all the things she would have done, or would not have done, if she had her life to live over again.
In her list were not regrets about momentous life decisions but about simple, ordinary everyday choices that detracted from the quality of her life. These were decisions that appeared to her to be groundless in the face of death.
She tells us that she would have "burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted", she would have listened to the "ramblings of her grandfather about his youth", she would have invited friends for dinner even if the house was a mess and gone to bed when she was sick without worrying about the world ending because of her absence from it for one day.
In essence she would have seized moments when they were within her grasp.
She would have been easier on herself, ignored the danger of grass stains and sat down upon the grass; not bothered about ruining her hair but opened the car window to enjoy the fresh air.
She would have savoured her children's impetuous hugs rather than sending them to wash their hands for dinner and not subscribed to those constraints that we impose upon ourselves that seem so trivial in the face of death. With her words she sends a warning to us to recognise what is important, what things we get one chance to do. Her message is simple. Do them while you can.
Of course, the concept of seizing the day is not new. Gather ye rosebuds while you may, carpe diem, eat drink and be merry, remember that you are mortal, or memento mori: all these adages enjoin us to recognise how finite life is, how precious each moment, how fleeting its opportunities, how singular its seconds and how we cannot go back to the past.
But if we cannot go back to the past we can go into the future. If we know what we would do differently surely we know what to do differently now? Can we turn that information into action?
For living the day is not about hedonism but about contemplation of what would truly matter to you if you knew your time was up. There is no sharper focus on life than the prospect of death.
But can you dare to make life decisions, not under the impetus of death, but from the impetus for life? If you could change your future, what would you do?
None of Erma Bombeck's regrets are about career, public approbation, success or wealth. There are no wishes that she had worked harder, achieved more accolades or acquired greater fame. Her wishes were about missed opportunities to enjoy time with friends and family and the simple things in life such as burning a beautiful candle before it faded.
Perhaps this is the essence of her message: to burn the beautiful candle that is life itself: precious, sculpted, perfect, before it melts away. To light life. Let it glow. Choose its warmth and vibrancy.
Dispel the darkness of drudgery by igniting your ambitions before it is too late. Access your true wishes and your authentic self. Do what is right for you.
Take time for yourself before time is taken away from you.
Clinical psychologist and author Marie Murray is director of the student counselling services at UCD.