Mind Moves Maire MurrayEveryone remembers someone. The person who said the right thing at a critical moment that had a major impact on the course of one's life.
This is the psychological rescuer, the mentor, the "Morrie", the role model or revered adult who saw worth in a child who was invisible to everyone else. Most often it was one special teacher who provided the word, gesture, praise, prize or warm affirmation in an otherwise cold critical world. It is most potent when someone believes in a person about whom everyone else has given up.
When adults recall the moment that changed the shape of their lives in a positive way they often mention the person who recognised a talent they were too timid to display.
Frequently, they cite a grandparent who knew which grandchild needed the kind word or emotional defence. Many recall how an admired aunt bought a book that sent them on a lifetime of reading, or a musical instrument that revealed latent musical skill. There are adults who remember their first paint box, the tool-kit, the fishing trip, the day at the sea, walk in the countryside or going to "the match" in the company of an adult who was affirming of them.
But even incidental or momentary mentors can have a profound influence. Often just one sentence can set a child on a psychological journey of discovery for which they remain eternally grateful.
With heart-wrenching accuracy adults can recall the precise words spoken, that exact affirmation that burnt like a bonfire in their psyche, lighting their first spark of confidence, talent, self-esteem and belief in themselves.
Some adults will produce a crumpled card given them in the distant past on which someone wrote what that child's heart needed to hear. Some hold a note with faded scrawl that carried a potent message into the soul. Some simply quote the statement that conveyed belief in them. Most keep the birthday card message, note of congratulations, blessing on a prayer card, the line of a poem or positive sentence that shone out from an otherwise negative school report.
Many produce an inspirational evocation or encouraging inscription written for them in a book. These are the emotional anchors to which adults return to remind themselves that at that time, in that place, that person told them how wonderful they could be.
But this kind of encouragement may be endangered. Recent "progress" has seen kindness professionalised. Mental health lies in the hands of psychiatry or the many models of psychotherapy rather than in members of a local community supporting each other.
What was once called neighbourliness has become "social capital". Family supporters require registration. Words of common sense and wisdom are copyrighted intellectual property and doing a good turn has legal and insurance implications.
This is why a woman who died last year in Corofin, Co Clare, a woman in her 90th year, would not be allowed to practise her unquantifiable "unencloseable" kindness today.
This woman who spent a lifetime counselling and empowering, working with adolescents, giving cookery classes in her home, botany lessons to children on the nearby Burren, knitting for new babies, providing post-natal encouragement to mothers and marital support to couples, consolation for those bereaved, encouragement to the depressed, practical visits to her friends in the Travelling Community, meals to school children who were hungry and hospitality to all who entered the ever open door of her home, would no longer be permitted to dispense such largess into other people's lives today. This is because she had little formal teacher training, no social worker qualifications, diplomas in psychogeriatrics, career guidance training, post-grads in social injustice, psychology degrees, prisoner rights diplomas, social care certificates nor was she accredited as a child, adolescent, adult or marital therapist.
But she once worked in a night shelter in London, with "down and outs" in Leeds, with families in Fatima Mansions in Dublin and in a home for ex-prisoners in Ballyfermot. She was a founder of Clare Care and lived for 20 years in Corofin providing a best practice model of community endeavour, local empowerment, spiritual support and invitation to the transcendent.
What she practised would probably now be called affirmative therapy, but this woman, Sr Eucharia Keane, just believed in everyone and told them so. This is why when she died the people who knew her collated their memories of how encounters with her had changed their lives. She was that adult, that teacher, that role model, "Morrie" and mentor we all remember.
Grief at her loss and gratitude for her life, have been brought together in the just published book, The Ever Open Door "Memories" (Tinsley 2006).
Community care consultants would be advised to acquire this extraordinary informal qualitative research document, voluntary subsidiarity, that reminds us as professionals how simple the tenets of effective child care, adolescent support, anti-suicide strategies and best practice community welfare support can be. Marie Murray is director of psychology at St Vincent's in Fairview, Dublin.
The Ever-Open Door "Memories" compiled and edited by Ambrose Tinsley, OSB is published by Veritas and will be launched in Corofin this Friday, September 8th.