Cowen's alma mater a coveted panacea

The pep in a politician’s step turned into another language malfunction yesterday – without a flicker from the boss

ONE DOESN’T want to be casting Cistercians at the Minister for Education, but she suffered another unfortunate language malfunction yesterday during a major launch in Government Buildings.

Warning: If you are a Trappist monk residing in the Tipperary area, you may want to sit down at this point.

Mary Coughlan was speaking at a news conference where she unveiled a new strategy aimed at increasing the number of international students coming to Ireland. This event was given the full bells and whistles treatment, with the Taoiseach, the Minister for Justice and sundry bigwigs from the world of learning along to lend support.

Ms Coughlan was all business as she took to the podium in the Government press centre. Nothing like a good news story to put a pep in a politician’s step. She smiled across at Brian Cowen, who already addressed the gathering. He got a big round of applause from the non-media claque when he finished.

After his congestion-fuelled communications crisis at the Fianna Fáil think-in, this week is all about selling a bustling, positive, high-vis Biffo to the nation. More applause, please! Brian Cowen’s puffing handlers have been rolling him out more often than a red carpet in a wedding chapel.

But back to his Tánaiste, who began her address with a few off-script words of her own.

“First of all, I just want to reiterate thanks to the Taoiseach that he has given his alma mater (sic) to the importance of the internationalisation of education from a Government perspective . . .” she began.

Not a flicker from the boss, who was probably too busy concentrating on being dynamic – a deathly serious work in progress for him at the moment.

But what was the Minister for Education saying? That Taoiseach Cowen has handed over Roscrea College (his alma mater) to educationalists who want to bring thousands of paying students into the country and teach them proper English and stuff?

Has anyone told the Cistercians? They might have something to say about their distinguished old boy giving away their school to some Johnny Come Latelys from the private sector.

This is confusing. Because we hear that Cowen has also given his alma mater to advisers who want to overhaul his image after his embarrassing “confluence of events” in Galway.

Then, by teatime yesterday, after a discussion with the heads of various State agencies, he gave them his alma mater when they pledged to create lots more jobs.

They won’t know where they are in Roscrea College.

The Cistercians, of course, are a Trappist order. Brian Cowen learned well from them, given his Trappist approach to communicating. But he has abandoned all that. It’s press conferences and photocalls all round now as he stresses the need to “focus” on jobs. We are on the road to recovery, assures the new, charming, cut out’n’keep Action Man Cowen.

“PR stunt!” declared Enda Kenny from the quadrangle in Trinity College, as he posed for photos with his arms around lovely Young Fine Gael women in Michael Collins T-shirts.

It’s freshers’ week, and Inda came down from Leinster House for the YFG recruitment drive.

Eamon Gilmore was also unimpressed. Harrumph! was his reaction, but then, it always is. Good to see the Taoiseach has cottoned on to the jobs crisis, shrugged the Labour leader, up to his oxters in muck and cameras.

Back in Trinity, a very pleasant medical student by the name of Anne-Marie Hayes signed Enda Kenny up to do a soup run for the St Vincent de Paul.

“Oh My God, will he have to be vetted?” cried one of her co-volunteers as the Fine Gael leader moved away. The students did a quick check and satisfied themselves that he didn’t.

It’s good to know that the VDP society is also the biggest society in Trinity College. However, at the political end of things, Young Fine Gael’s James Sheridan boasted: “We’ve got twice as many as Fianna Fáil and well more than Labour.” But he refused to reveal how many they had.

Pádraic O’Meara, chairman of Trinity Labour, paraded a large poster of Eamon Gilmore behind the FG leader while he was doing a television interview. Where’s Eamon, then, Pádraic? “He’s not wasting his time on publicity.” (Not in Dublin, anyway).

Enda posed with a recruitment officer from the Philosophical Society who was in fancy dress.

“You look like a werewolf,” we pointed out. “We ordered it on Ebay. I think it’s a fox,” replied The Phil Lion, sheepishly.

Enda waxed philosophical himself. “What is the government about? What is the role of taoiseach about?” He wasn’t going to get an answer from the photographers, who were trying to steer him in the direction of a skeleton on one of the stands.

Failing that, there was the Rifle Club and their tantalising sign reading “Small Bore.” No luck.

Ógra Fianna Fáil gave out copies of the 1916 Proclamation.

“We’ve got lovely sweets and stuff, but no politicians,” said Barra Roantree of the Greens.

Back in Leinster House, Joan Burton got stuck into Brian Lenihan with such ferocity that a trembling Michael Ahern had to adjourn the finance committee for five minutes.

It was all calm in Government Buildings, where our new look, remastered Biffo was preparing for his second media briefing of the day. They must have him doing yoga or something.

After getting down with The Young People, Inda left to catch a flight to Milan – he was a guest speaker last night at a Konrad Adenauer Foundation economic and banking conference.

He spoke about the need for a co-ordinated stimulus plan from the EU to help job creation. He also outlined his party’s New Era plan, to which he has given his full alma mater.

As the Minister for Education (imprimatur: Ursuline Convent, Sligo) might say.