This plain dealer gets the off-road job done

Toyota Land Cruiser VX: Consumers are finally rising from their Celtic Tiger stupor and paying more attention to prices, so …

Toyota Land Cruiser VX: Consumers are finally rising from their Celtic Tiger stupor and paying more attention to prices, so it's not the best time to test a 4.2-litre 4x4 costing over €100,000.

Thanks to Eddie Hobbs, motorists are more aware of the contribution they make to the public coffers every time they turn the key. So, handing over more than €60,000 in VRT and VAT before you even think of filling the tank may seem a step too far.

Yet the VX deserves attention, if for no other reason than it represents the old school of the range-topping SUV set.

While it carries the price and trim of the premium off-roaders, it's more than just another dressed-up saloon on steroids. As with the regular Land Cruiser, it's a real workhorse beneath the luxury façade.

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On a recent trip to Dubai, we took the opportunity to join what was billed as a desert trek. What awaited us at the meeting point was not the toothy grin of a skinny camel, but the yellow-toothed smile of Mohammad, our chain-smoking driver.

Lined out before us were six shining Land Cruiser VXs pointed towards great cliffs of sand. The only camel was a mangy half-comatose creature available for photos.

When the going gets tough, the Arabs seem to turn to Toyota. It's not just in Dubai that it's the vehicle of choice when roadside assistance is out. We've met the same attitude to the marque in the wilds of Africa and Australia.

Our three-hour trek through the dunes proved far more testing than anything we could mimic at home. Speed was vital in some stretches, where the slightest hesitation brings in the laws of physics which decree that nearly three-tonne of metal should be up to its roof in the powdery sand.

Then there was the wall-of- death runs round the dunes, building up speed so we could conquer the peaks. To aim straight for the top would be the sort of madness only Europeans with a fondness for shovels would attempt.

While our fellow passengers showed their national pride by taking on a nice green hue as we juddered and swung through the barren terrain, Mohammad, who didn't know we had anything to do with motoring or media, expressed his love for the Land Cruiser.

Yet the VX is more than a Land Cruiser with a few luxury extras. For a start it looks like some older version that was stuck at the back of a forecourt until someone noticed and quickly rebadged it as a separate product.

In the British market, it's sold as the Amazon. In the US it comes under the Lexus badge as the LX. Of them all, the British moniker is perhaps the most perceptive.

We could easily imagine bobbing around in the cabin, weaving through tropical rainforests in Brazil, khaki-shirt sticking to the back, the growl of the diesel drowning out the noisy chatter of animals and insects.

The VX is designed for areas where the Sports Utility Vehicle (SUV) tag quickly losses the S in its name. This is the real thing.

That's perhaps why it looks so dull. No self-respecting drug dealer would be seen dead in this. You're more likely to see a UN flag fluttering from its front bumper than a fancy paint-job and tinted windows. VX drivers wear tracksuits only when they go running.

The VX is like a sensible pair of brogues. Others may smirk at its old-world looks, but when it comes to getting down and dirty, this motoring brogue can kick any rival up its tailpipe.

Sure it looks dated. You'd expect it to carry registration plates from 1995 rather than this year. And, no, it most definitely doesn't draw the sort of responses from passers-by which are hoped for by vehicles which lighten your bank account by €100,000.

Yet it's got the motoring equivalent of inner pride. It's the straight-laced action hero who doesn't fit in with the slick city set but turns out to be the real star when the going really gets tough.

This latest version has received the most minor of facelifts this year, comprising a new front grille, new alloy wheels and, most important of all, the removal of the go-fast side strips which made the old version look even more dated. The new version is very much the conservative with a capital C.

It has all the necessary off-road accoutrements. A permanent 4-wheel-drive, the VX also features separate lockable central and rear differentials, low-ratio gears, electronic damping and active height control suspension.

For something so large and so diesel-powered, the Land Cruiser gathers speed with pleasing ease. Then again, it does have 4.2-litres up front producing 200bhp, which may not seem a lot these days.

The key element is the torque: 420Nm kick in from 1,200rpm, giving you all the low-end pulling power of a small tractor.

On the normal roads, while the diesel engine is always audible, the handling is competent for a proper off-roader. It can easily cruise along at motorway speeds without feeling unstable or underpowered.

Inside the VX is just as conservative, resembling old-school executive motoring before the days of iDrive and the like.

The interior trim reminds you of earlier versions of the luxury Lexus saloons.

There are plenty of switches and knobs to turn, and the plastics are of good quality. The shiny wood trim, however, cheapens the overall appearance.

With its seven seats, the VX is as flexible as a people carrier, but this is one that would get you through a war zone. Use all seven seats and there's not much room left in the boot. Unfortunately the seats don't fold away, merely into the side, so they can get in the way when loading up the back.

As it's aimed at the US market as much as the European, there are plenty of cubbyholes, though the glovebox is quite tight and the big storage box in the middle looks more like a bin than a storage unit.

The real issue, of course, is how the VX fares against the competition. Here, it's really a matter of personal choice and necessity. Even in the "rip-off republic", there's a lot to choose from and most of it is a lot flashier than this.

Take the Porsche Cayenne S, or the BMW X5 4.4-litre or even the outgoing Mercedes ML 500, all within the VX's price range. And they are only in the petrol category. Sticking with diesel (why would you bother if you are paying this sort of money in the first place?), there's even a 5-litre diesel version of the Touareg on offer.

So why would anyone opt for the Land Cruiser? Well, because it goes about its business without making a fuss.

Arguably its greatest challenge comes from the Range Rover, another real world SUV which can mud plug with the best of them. However, while the Range Rover has the looks and social status to grace any driveway and add a few euro to the house price as well, the reliability record of the Toyota would win it strong points.

So, would I buy one? No, even if I had the money.

I have neither a desert to cross nor a 400-acre farm in the Outback to manage. And, yes, I'm a shallow human being, attracted by good looks, exciting performance and fancy bodywork ahead of hidden strengths and reliability. However, I can understand why others might.