When in my existence is ‘over- the- knee’ no longer acceptable? And what do I do with the investments I’ve already made?
There is a point in a woman’s life, when the spotlight shifts from her pert physicality to her sensuality, wisdom and wit. There are several ways to react to this, one is to seek out the company of men older than you by several decades, where your physical stock is generally, although not always, higher. It is rarely a lasting solution.
On a good day, a confident, intelligent and attractive woman, at this stage of life, emits an earthy sexiness that trumps that of her youthful counterpart.
The great fashion photographer Mike Bunn says: ‘A young woman gets undressed to go out, an older woman goes out to get undressed’.
On a bad day, our heroine looks on in chirpy distain at her youthful counterpart, laughing bitterly at the nymph, ignorant to her genetic destiny.
It’s a question of perspective and priority, and genetic luck.
So when, exactly, does the lamb need a little more cooking time? If you’re asking yourself if you’re too old for over-the-knee, the chances are, you know the answer. This is generally more about personal comfort zone and sartorial code than it is about a defined cut-off point or specific age.
Important at this point to say, as you snort indignantly through your scrambled eggs, that what follows are Frockadvisor’s guidelines, we simply refuse to issue rules, as we so frequently break them ourselves.
So, we’re clear, your knees are magnificent. For all the other women who might seek assistance, we’re sorry to have to inform you that this is not exclusive to the knee area. Elbows are the knees of the arms and tend to wane in attractiveness at a similar speed to their genicular counterparts.
Except French women. French women are genetically pre-disposed to having extraordinarily fine yet robust knees. And although we have respect for them and their unwavering sense of style, they don’t belong on this problem page. French women don’t read problem pages.
Once armed with the mores, future purchases can be made with confidence, and suddenly, you’ve got a wiggle in your walk. However, it’s the existing wardrobe with which you’re probably grappling.
So many wonderful classic shift dresses, like this Diane Von Furstenberg €385 from Elaine Curtis, can languish tainted with indecision and fear.
It was for this very reason that opaque tights were invented, 40 or 50 denier is optimum as any higher leaves the legs without the vital, nuanced play of light.
A great selection of colours is available online from specialists such as dressmylegs.ie .
At Frockadvisor we think that at least an extra half-decade can be eked out using the defining properties of Lycra. But this is not the only weapon in our arsenal. A light chiffon skirt worn under the offending dress, adds diaphanous length without bulk. Black you’re thinking. No, not black: find an accent colour, like this mustard version, €79.95 by Noa Noa on South Anne Street Dublin 2, which would work with any number of tones without your wardrobe palette.
Because we’re sure that’s strategically sorted, right? Maybe that’s an issue for another day.
To patterned tight, or not to patterned tight? That is my question.
The patterned tight has become ubiquitous, particularly among the younger generation. But with so many faux suspenders tightly packed under teeny cut-off denims, is there a place for patterned tights in a player's arsenal?
In the 1980s, we used to call them “novelty” tights: to be clear, novelty items are for the under-12s.
Instead, let’s think about how a judicious pattern can help the leg, lengthening and creating an accent at the same time. Just think about the shape of the pattern itself, it must be graphic and linear, always with a vertical flow.
Tonally, think the sophistication of greys, navys, browns and black as a base. These luxurious beauties from Falke (€28.50 at Arnotts) are case in point. We’re pro pattern, but only when applied with intelligence.