Just as in real life, online friends must sometimes be cut loose

CYBER SORTER:This week our social media agony aunt looks at online friendships and what to do when they turn sour

Dear Cybersorter,

I accepted a friend request on Facebook from a vague acquaintance who runs a retail business. All she ever did was ask me to “like” her business page. She never took part in any discussions or posted anything herself. I ignored the first five “like” requests but after the sixth I blocked her. I really didn’t mind being asked once, but after that I expected her to realise that I’m just not interested. She really seemed to miss the whole point of Facebook — friendliness, reciprocity, conversation, fun.

However, in case I bump into her, will she know I have blocked her?

Sick of Being Sold To

Dear Sick of Being Sold To,

Blocked and de-friended people are not sent notification that they have been blocked. If you block someone on Facebook (not just de-friend them) then you become invisible to each other.

If they search you they will not find you. Instead of saying “Not today thanks” to the double glazing salesperson, you are slamming the door in his face, telling him never to darken it again and erecting a 10 ft wall around your house, especially for him.

When she next sends you a “like” my business page message (in the next five minutes by the sound of it) it will simply disappear into the internet ether, never to reach and irritate you.

Since it is clear she is not seeking reciprocity, but is doing the equivalent of trying to strap you down and force you to watch her advertisement repeatedly, she probably won’t realise. Ignorance is bliss; and a bad way of conducting business.

Dear Cybersorter,

I blog and I tweet so I keep my Facebook to only 70 friends and all my settings on “friends only”. This is my private forum.

Yesterday I saw a tweet from a guy I didn’t know, reporting something I had said on Facebook. I discovered he’s a friend of only one of my friends. So my Facebook friend must’ve told him what I said.

This, for me, is a defriending offence. On the other hand the friend was super nice to me in the past. Should I defriend? Your privacy is only as good as your big mouth friends.

Exposed

Dear Exposed,

You are right. Whether your relationships are online or face-to-face, people, even friends, will occasionally betray you.

However, there is a difference between sitting at the kitchen table over a cup of tea, saying “this is in a cone of silence” and confiding in someone, and writing it up on your Facebook wall.

Many assume that what is written on Facebook is intended for public consumption and fair play. That doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t check with you first, but some of your Facebook friends are there because they like you and some of them because they like being connected with you.

In your email you alerted me to a handy tool called reclaimprivacy.org which checks for holes in your security settings. There’s no safety bot for weeding out your more self-interested “friends”.

However, this one has now exposed him and despite past kindness, unless it was saving your or your dog’s life, you can and probably should defriend.