“How can you train if you have 14 snoods on, 15 hats and leggings?”
Everton players may now be suffering from hypothermia in training after Sean Dyche banned them from wrapping up, but the win over Arsenal will have warmed them.
That’s how many managers Séamus Coleman has now had at Everton (nine permanent and two caretakers) in his 14 years at the club. Gaffer-a-rama.
Old King Kazu
In what is a relatively youthful Oliveirense squad, midfielder Duarte Duarte must have been feeling a touch ancient, what with him being a rusty thirty-five. But a loan signing made by the Portuguese second division club during the January transfer window will have left him feeling toddler-esque.
The legend that is Kazuyoshi Miura, aka King Kazu, has joined Oliveirense from Yokohama on loan until the end of the season, the fact that both clubs share the same parent company, the restaurant group Onodera, playing no small part in the deal.
What age will Miura be on February 26? Just the 21 years older than Duarte Duarte - yes, fifty-six. And he reckons he has four more years left in him, which would make it 42 years as a professional.
But the stat of all Miura-related stats: his professional career began a whole year before Lionel Messi was born. Peter Pan-ish, that lad.
Word of mouth
“Wolves were clearly the better side for 12 minutes and maybe the last 10 minutes when they were 3-0 up and the ball was then their friend again, but in between we were really in the game….. the third goal I don’t count because it was the first time they passed the halfway line in the second half.”
Jurgen Klopp, turning in to Comical Ali right before our eyes.
“The very highest level is like a washing machine - you play all the time and you never stop. Right now, I feel like I’m suffocating and that the player is gobbling up the man.”
Raphael Varane explaining that he’s bid adieu to international football because it had left him all washed out.
“That performance made me want to vomit. He doesn’t know how to set out a team. Mourinho has never been a great coach, he just knows how to play the media.”
Apart from that, Roma old-boy Antonio Cassano was impressed by Jose’s efforts during the team’s Coppa Italia defeat by Cremonese.
Everton’s calendar blues
It’s just as well the week ended on a high for Everton fans because there probably wasn’t much more that they could take.
Monday: The appointment of Sean Dyche as manager was met with all the enthusiasm of someone facing a wisdom tooth extraction.
Tuesday: The transfer window closed without Everton making a single signing, despite bringing in £40m (plus £5m in add-ons) for the sale of Anthony Gordon to Newcastle. Gordon, is, of course, now enemy number one at Goodison Park, and will, no doubt, receive a toasty welcome when Newcastle visit in April.
Wednesday: It being the first of February, Everton fans turned the page in their official club calendar. Who was smiling back at them? Yep, Anthony Gordon.
More word of mouth
“They are overspending on players, people are seeing them coming and they’re taking their pants down.”
Danny Murphy reckoning Chelsea were left exposed by their shopping spree.
“Todd Boehly is the latest super-rich businessman learning about our football the hard way and having his trousers taken down when it comes to transfer dealings, by not knowing the value of the players he is buying.”
Graeme Souness reckoning Chelsea were left exposed by their shopping spree. There’s a theme developing here.
“I carry the piano for the rest of the team and for me that’s no problem - I’m not a star.”
Fred on tinkling Manchester United’s ivories.
“He was getting a massage and I was walking by and said, ‘oh my gosh, your feet look terrible!’ He said: ‘My friend, these feet are worth one billion euros.’ I said, ‘you’re right - respect’.”
Leeds new-boy Weston McKennie on life with Cristiano Ronaldo at Juventus.