Fasten seat belts for flight into a new era

LockerRoom: On the road again today or, to be more accurate, wedged into a plane today. Destination Bydgoszcz

LockerRoom: On the road again today or, to be more accurate, wedged into a plane today. Destination Bydgoszcz. Honestly, travel has never been more accurate.

The thing about friendlies is that you just never know. They might turn out to be little landmarks on the road to somewhere. They might transpire to be the worst way of wasting two or three days since people began going into comas.

Mick McCarthy was lucky with friendlies. Two of them in particular stand out, both in the Czech Republic. His first away game was in Prague and I remember him taking a training session on a patch of bumpy pitch behind one of those epic old Eastern Bloc stadiums and he was so wrapped up and involved in the session that even the players were nudging each other. It marked the transition from the Jack Charlton era, a transition which in terms of social mileu was small but which in terms of personnel and playing style would be unique.

And then that trip to Olomouc a couple of years later. If you run your finger back along the map and look for the true beginning of the McCarthy era you'll find it in that dusty town where Mick realised he had the young players at last to do the things he knew the older players couldn't do. Maybury, Duff and Keane made debuts there and if the latter two have taken the more direct route to stardom it's still not hard to imagine that Maybury's quiet excellence won't find its reward sometime soon.

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The Eoin Hand era began in rather more heated circumstances but the transition was equally as dramatic. Eoin's first competitive game in charge was a 2-1 home win against Holland in the World Cup qualifiers. That was in a group which included Belgium and France too. We drew with Belgium the following month (October, 1980) and then lost in Paris to the France of Tigana, Platini and Rocheteau.

Hard times and unlucky times. We eventually failed to qualify having been robbed one night in Brussels by a referee who rejoiced in the name Raul Jouquin Fernandez Nazarre. One good Frank Stapleton goal disallowed, then a Belgian dive minutes from the end rewarded with a free-kick which found the net.

Ireland had enough to contend with back then without bad luck being added to the mix. There was the FAI. The previous summer Ireland played one of the most celebrated of dark-era friendlies when they went to Bydgoszcz as part of the association's ongoing "Play for Ireland, See Poland" programme.

The legends from Bydgoszcz, described by those who have been there as Poland's answer to Middlesboro, are colourful. In those times the Irish travel arrangements were overseen by a couple of other-worldly sisters, both of whom were known as Miss Chisum, who took it in turns to travel with the players. Apart from a certain embonpoint in one of the Chisum sisters they were virtually indistinguishable. It was a joke among the players to tell newcomers to the squad that there was in fact only one Miss Chisum but that her weight fluctuated according to her drinking habits.

This was a desperate slander on the abstemious Chisum sisters but worked well with wide-eyed newcomers. Players would turn up on trips early in their international careers and nudge more senior internationals. "Oooh, she must be really hitting the bottle hard, it's only a few weeks since we've seen her and look."

Bydgoszcz, in 1981, is remembered by many who went for Kevin O'Callaghan's goggle-eyed staring at whichever Miss Chisum was in attendance. It would be O'Callaghan's third cap and by Poland he'd seen both incarnations of the lady.

Then, of course, there is the legendary bus ride out of Bydgoszcz. In 1981 to compare the place to Middlesboro would be to libel the north east of England. Times were hard and if the Irish left behind them a country riven by the hunger strikes they found a place in the grip of a more long-term malaise.

Still the hosts were eager to please and laid on food and presented each member of the Irish squad with a linen tablecloth as a souvenir of their visit. Then Poland beat Ireland 3-0 and later that night, on the bus journey to the comparative civilisation of Warsaw, the effects of the food began to kick in on one poor young soul.

The bus stopped twice in the dark of the Polish countryside but with a plane to catch the Irish were soon speeding through the night with the windows wide open passing the souvenir Polish linen back through the bus so that it might find a more immediate use. Poland had yet to meet the Andrex puppies. Ghostly balls of soiled linen flew from the bus and into the Polish night. Today, not surprisingly, marks the first time the Irish have been back.

Back then Eoin Hand must have realised that his employers were the type of people who would organise a friendly against Argentina when the Falklands was still hot, or maybe hastily arrange a game with Trinidad and Tobago days after a 7-0 defeat to Brazil.

Tempting fate we are heading straight for a flight on Wednesday night but, apart from that, it's hard to imagine Roy Keane having to suffer too much depravation over the next few days. The FAI has been dragged along towards modernity.

And even if it should come to pass that there are hardships to be faced in these next few days, travelling to Poland for a friendly seems like an act of penitential abasement from a man who doesn't do friendlies. There is no better way of wiping the slate clean, of purging the record than travelling today.

What will it all mean in the Brian Kerr era? A lot, one imagines. Easily as much as Bydgoszcz in the 1980s or Olomouc in the 1990s. Keane's return means an endorsement of a new way of doing things and a clear indication that Kerr won't take the path of least resistance to suit pampered professionals.

And then there is the ballyhoo which will surround Roy's return from exile. It will deflect the attention nicely from younger players. Liam Miller in particular has had too much expectation heaped on young shoulders. To be a footnote to this week of Roymania will suit him just fine.

So lets fasten our seat belts and make sure our trays are in the upright positions. And most importantly let us note the location of all exits fore and aft.